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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  The Life Story of Tom Park Moderators: bert
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  Author    The Life Story of Tom Park  (currently 962 views)
Don
Posted: May 19th, 2017, 6:37pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Life Story of Tom Park by Raymond Mack - Drama - When Thomas Anderson Park, an average high school teenager from Los Angeles, California, meets a troublemaker that leads his life into the peer pressures of sexual desire and drug addiction. When Thomas has enough of it, he falls in love with a girl named Jessica, who may led him back to the right direction before their graduation. - pdf, format

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Nomad
Posted: May 20th, 2017, 1:45am Report to Moderator
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Thankfully this is only 175 pages long.

Raymond,

You need to brush up on basic grammar and spelling before you expect other people to read this.

By the first page I was regretting opening your script.  I see the image you're trying to paint, but it's like looking through muddy, feces laden, stagnant water.

There's a story here, but I'm not touching it with a ten foot pole.  At least not until I make sure my shots are up to date.

If you'd like to know the details, please reply and I'll let you know what I saw.

Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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