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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Drama Scripts  ›  The Gospel According to Adam Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: May 27th, 2017, 12:36pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Gospel according to Adam by Bazik Andrey - Drama, Religion - The main character is a horrible person who is very dependent on modern civilization. Someone sends him away into the wild. So he has a long way to find his home and his world. 59 pages - pdf, format

New writer interested in feedback on this work


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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  May 31st, 2017, 3:06pm
revised draft
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eldave1
Posted: May 27th, 2017, 7:48pm Report to Moderator
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Bazik:


Bazik: there are many mistakes in the first two pages. e.g.,

Double spacing of all lines

Incorrect Introduction of Characters

Opening Scene with no Scene Heading

Incorrect Formatting of V.Os

Take a look at some scripts to get the proper formatting - it will help



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Bazikav
Posted: June 1st, 2017, 6:21am Report to Moderator
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Thank you. I was fixed mistakes. Can you please read it again. I need your oppinion. Sory for my English, my parents from Russia!
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eldave1
Posted: June 2nd, 2017, 1:28pm Report to Moderator
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Better - but still basic mistakes.


Quoted Text
NATURAL AREA - DAY

Bird’s eye view. Camera flies over forests and fields,
which have no signs of the human existence. Easy
listening, beautiful music plays. Day gradually gives way
to late evening.


You are missing EXT in your opening scene heading.

Try to avoid camera directions in a spec script

CAP sounds



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Bazikav
Posted: June 5th, 2017, 2:45am Report to Moderator
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What you think about story?
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eldave1
Posted: June 5th, 2017, 5:03pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Bazikav
What you think about story?


Didn't get through much of it so really don't have an opinion. As a note, I think you will find that peeps will not give this a full read until you address some of the very basic stuff. I don't mean to be rude, but that's just the nature of the biz. Look at other stuff, learn the basic format, guidelines, etc. and  then worry about the story.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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