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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Horror Scripts  ›  Lifeforms Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: May 9th, 2020, 12:06pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Lifeforms by Eric Dickson - Horror - A killer prostitute on the run from police carjacks a family of four and later helps them fend off an alien invasion.   106 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  May 22nd, 2020, 1:58pm
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BrianK
Posted: May 22nd, 2020, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Eric,

I am new to this so keep that in mind.

First, I enjoyed your script.  The pacing was fast and there were many moments I was on the edge of my seat.  Callie's dialogue was excellent.  She really came across as that tough as nails character who had to survive on the streets.  I envy the way you did that.

The mood and atmosphere created by making everything dark gave a real sense of dread.  A lot of jump scares made reading fun.

SPOILERS

The spiders were interesting.  The baby spiders taking apart bodies added to the scariness.  

Rick's back story about his illness was a nice reveal and added depth to his character.  Debbie's acts as expected, protective of her family and brave when she needs to be.

The character of Del I liked.  The loony character explaining his conspiracy theories add to the tension and the fun.  You never know if what he says is true or not.

All the characters have distinct voices.  The differences in culture between Rick and his family, Callie and her friends, and the locals make the reader root for them.  You want to see them set aside their differences and unite to defeat the common foe.

On the downside, I thought Josh's zingers seemed out of place at times.  It distracted from tense situations.

My main issue with the script was the logic.  The aliens go to earth to retrieve one of their own who the government has kidnapped.  So why go to some remote town and kill a bunch of people?  They end up swapping hostages, so why not do that to begin with?  

Also I also don't understand their fascination with Callie.  This is never really explained.

All in all I enjoyed the script.  I hope this was helpful.
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ericdickson
Posted: May 22nd, 2020, 6:07pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from BrianK
Hi Eric,

I am new to this so keep that in mind.

First, I enjoyed your script.  The pacing was fast and there were many moments I was on the edge of my seat.  Callie's dialogue was excellent.  She really came across as that tough as nails character who had to survive on the streets.  I envy the way you did that.

The mood and atmosphere created by making everything dark gave a real sense of dread.  A lot of jump scares made reading fun.

SPOILERS

The spiders were interesting.  The baby spiders taking apart bodies added to the scariness.  

Rick's back story about his illness was a nice reveal and added depth to his character.  Debbie's acts as expected, protective of her family and brave when she needs to be.

The character of Del I liked.  The loony character explaining his conspiracy theories add to the tension and the fun.  You never know if what he says is true or not.

All the characters have distinct voices.  The differences in culture between Rick and his family, Callie and her friends, and the locals make the reader root for them.  You want to see them set aside their differences and unite to defeat the common foe.

On the downside, I thought Josh's zingers seemed out of place at times.  It distracted from tense situations.

My main issue with the script was the logic.  The aliens go to earth to retrieve one of their own who the government has kidnapped.  So why go to some remote town and kill a bunch of people?  They end up swapping hostages, so why not do that to begin with?  

Also I also don't understand their fascination with Callie.  This is never really explained.

All in all I enjoyed the script.  I hope this was helpful.
  

Hey thanks for taking the time to read this one.  

As to the aliens killing the townspeople, there were two different races of aliens.  The ones who helm the ship are non threatening aliens who have returned to bring back one of their own.  When the ship crashes, the spiders they have in captivity escape.  The sphere drones are sent out to locate the spiders and signal back to the mother ship their location.

There's a scene where the TV turns itself on in the bar and they are given a tour of the inside of the spaceship.  This is where they discover that the spiders were being held as prisoners.  Broken wrist and ankle shackles, etc.  

I'll have to go back and maybe cut out some of the Josh stuff.  But I do love the Romeo and Juliet bit, have to keep that one.  

They didn't want anything to do with Callie because she's so full of heroin and has poisoned her body to the point that the aliens won't feed on her.  

Callie and Rick are actually both healed by the aliens at the end.  At least that's what you are led to believe in the very last shot.  The spaceship comes back and Debbie and the kids all look to the sky.  A bright white beam hits the parking lot.  Debbie smiles.  So we are left to believe that the aliens have healed Rick as well.  

Appreciate the look.  
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