Picking scripts with the fewest reads...

This one was a little hard to get into. Took more than one page to get to anything actually happening. I liked how the couple worked together on getting the info from the hotel room and even managed to get a little suspense in there when Stefania lost her phone and the Whale was waiting outside. What got me confused was the Yakuza suite, Yakuza sharks, Whale, Barracuda...

There's a story there, but you need to trim this one down for a easier and better read and I would also suggest you give the characters real names so they are easier to picture as real people and not cartoon characters.  

Thanks for taking paty.  

Hey Writer,

Sorry to say but this was a rough one.

First, no logline is a BIG no-no. That is your first chance to draw a reader in. Catch their eye. You didn't even make an attempt.

Then we get to the actual script. Holy shit, this is overwritten as Hell. Super chunky. Makes the entire read an absolute slog. As I've said before... Put some white on these pages. You're writing a screenplay, not a novel.

Unfortunately I'm out at page 3. Reading a script shouldn't be this hard.

I'm sorry to sound so negative. I'd strongly suggest reading some scripts here and taking some notes.

Zack

Writer,

Boy, the use of Barracuda and Whale as names became damn distracting real quick. So much so that it took me completely out of the read. Then there were the two line slugs. Sorry to say, I started skimming as the style of writing and the scenes really were not cohesive and I pretty much became completely lost. Not for me.

Steve

Dear writer,

I never bail on a script.  NEVER.  Until now.

As mentioned above, this bush needs some trimming.
We don't need to know every detail.  

Slugs are incorrect/not right.
Also, how many POV shots do you need?  It's almost a vacation video.

Good luck.