Yeah - this one has a a great initial idea that sadly went nowhere, which is the real problem. The writing itself wasn't bad, it showed real potential, but you seemed to be hinting at things instead of just giving them to us straight. There was too much confusion and ambugity as to what was really what. Just tell us!

This one had a good setup in the beginning, but quickly lost steam.  I thought the thief was going to witness something horrific while he was in the act of stealing, and he was going to have to make a decision of if to tell what he saw and turn himself in, or just ignore it and have it eat at his conscience.

I didn't like the way that the story turned out.  One reason was probably because I was lost during the blocking descriptions.  I had no idea how the houses were set up, and where they were in the house, and how everybody ended up in the kitchen when they were all upstairs first, and how Henry ended up with a knife.  It took me a whole lot of rereading to catch up and get the gist of everything.

The story was budget friendly, but very minimal on action.  Just pretty much a boring one-sided fistfight and then a stabbing.

I don't know if I get the ending or not.  Was Henry supposed to be Sam's real father and it was just a coincidence he was robbing the house next door?  Not too sure if I missed something or not.

The story had a very good premise, beginning, and set up, but was just too confusing to keep me satisfied until the end.

- Mark

Thank you all for your comments and review acumen. Here are my most helpful comments from each of you:

GREG
The other thing I wasn't quite sure of was how the hell Henry got out of the taped chair.
-- Thanks Greg! I did like your positive comments as well.

RYAN
The potential is here for a great story, just got to dig deeper
-- Thanks Ryan! I do seem to be skimming on my writing.

SANDRA
Orienting myself to where they were.
-- Hey Sandra, another thief story.

JORDAN
unfortunately this didn't work for me, the dialog seemed phoney to me, and sam hugging henry at the end did not feel earned, why would he do that?
-- Hey Jordan! I was going for poignant and got something else.

MATTHEW
I also got the idea stuck in my head that Henry was Sam's biological father. If this is true, hint at it more, if not, then the ending comes off as weird.
-- Matthew, it’s weird.

JEFF
Damn, there are a lot of knives just laying around everywhere in this neighborhood!
-- Dreamscale, still picking on my slugs after two years? :/ You’d think I’d have it down.

CM
The open window seemed odd, it's unlikely that a posh house would have an open window, with no screen. And the house was so booty-ladened, it seemed like it was a set-up to catch a thief.
-- CM, just trying to push the story forward by doing stupid stuff. I didn’t realize it was so obvious.

BASKET
As it stands however, I didn't like or feel like rooting for any of the characters (including the kid). Why does the lad hug Henry at the end? Random.
-- BASKET, good word for it.

REUEL
I'm going to agree with others here. That sounds like a cop-out, but I don't want to beat a dead horse. The action is confusing, so are the characters.
-- Reuel, I hear ya.

DKF
It almost felt like you ran out of time and had to wrap it up.
-- DKF, sadly no. I handed it in with 10 hours to go.

CHRIS
Haven't been reading the log lines but this one caught my eye.
-- Hey Chris, thanks for your positive spin.

RAY
With the right crew this becomes a poignant little story
-- Ray, thanks for getting this.

JANET
I just didn't buy several core ideas of the story
-- That’s okay. You weren’t the only one to notice.

E.D.
You had me good and proper until the duct tape came out.
-- Hey Brett, first half good, second half bad.

EOIN
There was too much confusion and ambugity as to what was really what. Just tell us!
-- Eoin, loved this comment! Just do it.

DJS
After giving it some thought, I think the piece might work better if it was the thief roughing up Sam and that his father (?) Dean returned home and was the hero
-- Darren, I like that.

MARK
The story was budget friendly, but very minimal on action. Just pretty much a boring one-sided fistfight and then a stabbing.
-- Damn, boring. This action stuff was a good challenge for me.