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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Discussion of...    Getting to know you, getting to know all about you...  ›  Can You Hear Me? - Produced Short Film Moderators: Administrator
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  Author    Can You Hear Me? - Produced Short Film  (currently 263 views)
jayrex
Posted: July 3rd, 2019, 5:28pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Here's something of mine that has been recently made.

https://youtu.be/m77fpGLKDfU



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_ghostwriters
Posted: July 5th, 2019, 4:48pm Report to Moderator
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Hello, Jayrex, ok... I thought this was interesting.  Congratulations!   On getting it made. -Andrea
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Dustin
Posted: July 5th, 2019, 5:23pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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I've just watched a few minutes and like Andrea said, this is interesting. I'll watch the rest tomorrow morning when I have more time.

Good luck with it.


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khamanna
Posted: July 5th, 2019, 6:30pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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Hey Xavier,

Very nice. Intriguing beginning and nice slow build towards the end. Congrats!!
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Grandma Bear
Posted: July 5th, 2019, 10:29pm Report to Moderator
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There's nothing more dangerous than a man ready to die.

Awesome! Very true!!!

Congrats on the film!  


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SS, is still free...
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LC
Posted: July 6th, 2019, 12:11am Report to Moderator
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Apologies up front. This might not be my cup of tea so comments re story are definitely subjective.
Shot well, cast well, acted well...


SPOILERS:


I had a lot of trouble hearing the male character's dialogue, while hers was clear as a bell. Audio, I imagine, is not easy when one character speaks in a breathy, low, stuttering tone, but I got it all the second time around with headphones in.

This line:
There's nothing more dangerous than a man ready to die. Yes, it's a great line but it didn't seem like he was (ready to die) or have I completely missed something? More like absolute revenge on others.

Did he just hack her ear off?   Okay, he did. And the acting during and shortly after is great, but then she seems to get over the pain a bit too fast.

This seems verging on torture porn, jmho, women as victims unable to fight back, women as instigators of cruelty towards certain men and deserving of comeuppance? The actual gore is minimal but what's the big takeaway message of this?

Is it ultimately a message about bullying and the notion of superficiality? I can get with that - the culture of and obsession with beauty at the expense of those less genetically blessed - Instagram, Facebook, presenting perfect lives etc. And nice commentary re her leaving specifics of her digital footprint - he knows where she lives, and now where her boyfriend lives.  Oblivious, dumb female, right?

I felt like I was missing a lot of your intention with the actual script though until the Super spelled it out further at the end re Incel. Second listen headphones in also cleared up a lot.

The opening tone - Larry's voice-over was verging on melodramatic imh. I'd personally put more of an objective, dispassionate news-voice to that dialogue.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel

Am I supposed to regard him as the ultimate victim and she as perpetrator?

Discussions in incel forums are often characterized by resentment, misanthropy,[1] self-pity,[10] self-loathing,[11] misogyny,[12] racism,[12] a sense of entitlement to sex, and the endorsement of violence against sexually active people.[8][9][13][14][12] The American nonprofit Southern Poverty Law Center described the subculture as "part of the online male supremacist ecosystem" that is included in their list of hate groups.

Interesting, indeed.



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Fais85
Posted: July 6th, 2019, 2:14am Report to Moderator
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Hey jayrex, congratulations on getting it made. It's an interesting watch.
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