SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is September 23rd, 2020, 9:39pm
Please login or register.
Was PortalRecent PostsHome Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)

blah, blah, blah challenge scripts are posted.

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Screenwriting Discussion    Review My Logline  ›  Horror Logline Moderators: LC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Horror Logline  (currently 84 views)
ChrisV
Posted: September 15th, 2020, 2:14pm Report to Moderator
New-ish



Posts
24
Posts Per Day
0.03

This is based on my Horror Short "Bee-El"


"A young girl befriends something thatís inside her closet. But, which one is the real monster? "



I would love feedback



Logged Offline
Private Message
eldave1
Posted: September 15th, 2020, 6:15pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Southern California
Posts
5977
Posts Per Day
2.66
I think it fits.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
Pale Yellow
Posted: September 18th, 2020, 10:31pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
2062
Posts Per Day
10.23
I love the logline.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
Lon
Posted: September 21st, 2020, 10:19am Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
Louisville
Posts
355
Posts Per Day
0.06
I'm iffy on it. It's got a hook, but it feels incomplete. I see the main character (young girl) and I see the inciting incident (finds a monster in the closet). But what I don't see is a goal or need, and it's blurry what the stakes may be.

Also -- and this is just my own personal quirk so do with it what you will -- I'm not a fan of log lines presented as questions. At best they feel evasive; at worst, condescending. The reader doesn't need you to ask their question for them.

A log line's purpose is to intrigue. I'm not so much intrigued by this as mildly flummoxed. Give me more to go on.

My two cents.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Review My Logline  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006