This is based on my Horror Short "Bee-El"


"A young girl befriends something that’s inside her closet. But, which one is the real monster? "


I would love feedback

I think it fits.

I love the logline.

I'm iffy on it. It's got a hook, but it feels incomplete. I see the main character (young girl) and I see the inciting incident (finds a monster in the closet). But what I don't see is a goal or need, and it's blurry what the stakes may be.

Also -- and this is just my own personal quirk so do with it what you will -- I'm not a fan of log lines presented as questions. At best they feel evasive; at worst, condescending. The reader doesn't need you to ask their question for them.

A log line's purpose is to intrigue. I'm not so much intrigued by this as mildly flummoxed. Give me more to go on.

My two cents.

Quoted from ChrisV This is based on my Horror Short "Bee-El" "A young girl befriends something that’s inside her closet. But, which one is the real monster? " I would love feedback

In my opinion, I'd do away with the question. End the logline with a proposition/true statement for the audience to think about. For example.

"Something lives in Julia's closet. It is feeding off her desire to hurt others. Sometimes the evil we see isn’t always the worst kind of evil there is."