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Log Line: When multiple Government agencies discover Nash, a martial artist and International adventurer, has natural superhuman abilities he must use all his skills to escape becoming a lab experiment and keep his freedom.
Reads a bit awkward at the moment. What does Nash have to overcome (other than government agencies)? With superhuman powers it doesn't seem much of a struggle on the face of it, maybe he can't control his powers yet (chance here to include his inner struggle in the logline)
His name isn't needed, and in this case, makes it read awkwardly.
Very quick attempt below
When nefarious Government agencies discover a globe-trotting martial artist has superhuman powers, he must learn to harness his powers in order to avoid experimentation and keep his freedom.
Yes, thank you!! Excellent feedback. This is the third log line I've created and your feedback helps me get that much closer to what the story is really about.
I was struggling to find the right descriptive word for the agencies and Nefarious is perfect!!
Also your feedback highlighted a word choice problem about the characters abilities. He's not a super hero struggling to understand his powers so my word choice is off there as well.
He's a person with above average senses, physical capabilities, and above average healing rates. This makes him a medical anomaly and hence the Govt interest. This is a realistic story about human enhancement based on actual current science.
Also your feedback highlighted a word choice problem about the characters abilities. He's not a super hero struggling to understand his powers so my word choice is off there as well.
That�s probably just me, I see superhuman and I jump to Super Hero�s lol maybe Extraordinary suits better?
The bit about him understanding his powers was me just trying to give an example of how to add in what his struggle might be, what�s holding him back from defeating the agencies that he has to overcome (inner struggle) but obviously fit it to the actual story (when I first read it I thought �a martial artist with superpowers? He can take down government agencies no problem� lol)