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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Discussion of...    Things you are looking for  ›  Good Action Scenes.
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: March 13th, 2013, 3:52pm Report to Moderator
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Hey, guys. I'm in the market for well-written, vivid action scenes from amateur scripts here on SimplyScripts. Preferably, I'm interested in scripts located in the Action/Adventure, Thriller or Horror genres and action scenes mainly in the form of gunfights and car chases.

I'd look through all the scripts individually but glancing through all of each to pick out particular scenes/sequences is a daunting task. This is just if you've seen really good action scenes within these scripts, please post some up (the title is all I need. I'll do the rest). Try not to post your own just to whore it out, unless you truly do believe you did a good job on said scenes. Basically, I'm looking for really strong action sequences that you would recommend. Thank you in advance.


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Pale Yellow
Posted: March 13th, 2013, 3:56pm Report to Moderator
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I'd recommend Capone and the Great Zombie Massacre by Kevin Lenihan.
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KevinLenihan
Posted: March 13th, 2013, 7:47pm Report to Moderator
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I recommend the script Gangster Squad. Vivid, colorful action. Though if you're a hard rules guy, approach with caution, as this writer is definitely not.

Thanks, Dena!

Note: just re-read and see you called for amateur. Sorry, obviously GS is pro. I thought you wanted something as a reference.
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: March 13th, 2013, 8:44pm Report to Moderator
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Dena, I appreciate the suggestion. I checked that one out a while back, but I know it's had two major rewrites (and a title change) since then. I'll definitely give it a good look.

Kevin, props on having CGZM get such high praise. I know that I enjoyed it when I last gave it a read-through. I'm sure it's improved exponentially since then. But, I am in the market to skim action scenes as opposed to reading the whole thing again.

As for your recommendation of Gangster Squad, I'm not big into the rules (if I had it my way, there'd be none), but it still has to be an appealing read. Appealing, to me equals bare bones. I know that seems to contradict what I'm looking for, but there is such a thing and it's that type of action you know when you see it. It's the type that tells you everything and manages to do it in a regular-sized sentence. J. Michael Straczynski's first draft of "World War Z" did it and Aaron Sorkin's posted spec draft (it wasn't a spec, but not the shooting draft) also did. But, I'm definitely going to give yours a look.

Thank you both for the suggestions. =)


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KevinLenihan
Posted: March 13th, 2013, 8:52pm Report to Moderator
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If you are ok with looking at pro scripts, I suggest a couple by F Scott Frasier. One is  called Autobahn, the other, I forget name, but is found footage. Both are all action. Like Fast and Furious on steroids. Both sold, too. PM me if you want.
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nawazm11
Posted: March 13th, 2013, 9:10pm Report to Moderator
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Another pro script worth looking at is Ion if you're into sci-fi action.
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: March 14th, 2013, 9:36am Report to Moderator
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Hey Sean!

I'm curious, why only amateur scripts?
Exhausted the pool of cool pro scripts already?

I do have something that fits the bill.
But the script isn't for public consumption.
It has producers attached, etc.

But a few folks like Pia, Colkurtz and Janet read early drafts.
And they can vouch for the quality of the action set pieces.
Car chase. Speedboats. Attack helicopters in modern day NYC. It's all there.

If that interests you, give a shout.
I can get an early draft to you privately.

Good luck!

Regards,
E.D.


LATEST NEWS

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is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: March 14th, 2013, 10:34am Report to Moderator
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Kevin, I'm definitely going to check out the ones you sent.

Mohammad, sci-fi will work, so I'll certainly give Ion a look as well.

Brett, actually, I don't typically read pro scripts and spec sales. I know, that's seems a little bass ackwards, but the type of scripts that sell are crafts that people have perfected over an extended period of time. I'm trying to adapt a style off other people's. Long story short (as I tend to ramble): I have no style when it comes to action (as you've seen). I need to create a style I can work with, by seeing how others do it properly. I would definitely like to check that out (as long as it won't cause any issues for you or anything like that). Feel free to send it.

Thank you guys for all your help. =)


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Electric Dreamer
Posted: March 15th, 2013, 10:14am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Mr. Blonde
Kevin, I'm definitely going to check out the ones you sent.

Mohammad, sci-fi will work, so I'll certainly give Ion a look as well.

Brett, actually, I would definitely like to check that out (as long as it won't cause any issues for you or anything like that). Feel free to send it.

Thank you guys for all your help. =)


Script sent!
Hope it helps.

Regards,
E.D.



LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: March 15th, 2013, 11:30am Report to Moderator
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If it's written up to your usual standards, I should be in for quite a treat. Thank you.

P.S. You sent that message at 11:14. Good times.


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James McClung
Posted: March 15th, 2013, 11:43am Report to Moderator
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I'd check out Breanne's Umbrage if it's still on the site. The action is that was quite well written as I recall.

You can check out my script, Outsiders, if you haven't already (sorry, I don't remember everyone who read it). It's really shoddy and some people don't like the way I write action but it's got a car chase and gun fights to spare. You can be the judge, obviously.


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Mr. Blonde
Posted: March 15th, 2013, 11:46am Report to Moderator
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Anything that helps is certainly welcome, James. I'll check out Umbrage and Insiders (no, I haven't checked it out previously). Thank you, James.


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Electric Dreamer
Posted: March 15th, 2013, 6:46pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from James McClung
I'd check out Breanne's Umbrage if it's still on the site. The action is that was quite well written as I recall.


Super seconded!
I read an impressive off-site draft.

Chat Breanne up for a copy!

Regards,
E.D.



LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: March 16th, 2013, 12:25pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Electric Dreamer
Super seconded!
I read an impressive off-site draft.

Chat Breanne up for a copy!


Thanks for the second, Brett. It's going to have to wait a couple of days because I'm absolutely drowning in scripts right now. I'm getting some good things on how to approach action scenes, so thank you to everyone for the suggestions. Back to reading. Lol.


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Breanne Mattson
Posted: March 17th, 2013, 4:34pm Report to Moderator
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First off, thanks to James and Brett for recommending one of my scripts. I appreciate that. I could also recommend scripts from either of them. They're both great writers.

That said, Umbrage was originally written in 2006. If you're interested in something more recent, I have a sci-fi action thriller that made the Nicholl quarterfinals and got an honorable mention at Trackingb in 2011. Just let me know.

Addendum: if you're looking for a pro script, Django Unchained is a really good one I read recently.



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Breanne Mattson  -  March 17th, 2013, 6:54pm
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Mr. Blonde
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 10:42am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Breanne Mattson
First off, thanks to James and Brett for recommending one of my scripts. I appreciate that. I could also recommend scripts from either of them. They're both great writers.

That said, Umbrage was originally written in 2006. If you're interested in something more recent, I have a sci-fi action thriller that made the Nicholl quarterfinals and got an honorable mention at Trackingb in 2011. Just let me know.

Addendum: if you're looking for a pro script, Django Unchained is a really good one I read recently.


Breanne,

I'm well aware of each of their talents, as well as yours, plus I've done some script searching of my own. I don't review most scripts as I like to peruse but I always make a note of writers with a great deal of talent. Funny thing is, there are a lot of talented people on this site.

Absolutely, Breanne, I definitely plan to check it out. I'll send you a private message because I'd love to read it. Nicholl QF and an HM at Trackingb are both certainly solid accomplishments.

I actually have checked out Django Unchained and there isn't a whole lot for me to learn from a prose standpoint. It was a solid script (except for the third act, which was awful) but I'm trying more to develop a different style of writing prose than anything else.

But, thank you for the suggestions and I'm going to PM you my E-mail. You can feel free to send me whatever scripts you'd like. They're all appreciated.


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Breanne Mattson
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 11:31am Report to Moderator
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I responded to your pm.

I know what you mean about Django. The version I read had a different ending than the movie.

The most recent script I've read was Zero Dark Thirty. Great script, but not really a lot of action. I started reading Looper. So far, so good. You might try that one.


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Mr. Blonde
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 12:07pm Report to Moderator
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Was the other Django ending as bad? I worry because he painted himself into such a corner, there isn't really a good way to end that movie.

I might check out Looper for the educational value, but I also wasn't big on that, either. Something about the execution rubbed me the wrong way.

Zero Dark Thirty was solid, but I prefer The Hurt Locker when it comes to the Bigelow/Boal collaborations. Good call, though.


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James McClung
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 1:08pm Report to Moderator
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The version of Django I read was more or less the same as the film. Characters get dispatched in slightly different ways, there's some torture, and a scene with Broomhilda and Billy Crash. The big shootout and the final exchange with Stephen from the film are not in the script.

I feel like the handshake scene just had to happen. It would've been a completely different film had that scene not occurred. However, everything that follows in both the film and the script feels rushed and just wraps up in a slightly awkward way. I read an interview with Tarantino in which he talks about tweaking the ending so that it feels more like an epilogue than a climax. That might've been the way to go but I don't think it came across particularly well.


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Mr. Blonde
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 8:02pm Report to Moderator
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I wasn't a huge fan of Django, overall. Tarantino's started this thing ever since Kill Bill where his characters double-talk themselves and makes them say the same things twice and it continued here. Granted, it's better than most of the movies I watched last year, but a step down from my usual feelings about a Tarantino movie.

That said, there's two parts I liked above all others: the sequence where Schultz kills the Sheriff and the entire sequence at CandieLand. Everything from the moment Django surrenders was horrible (What was it originally like, James?) and the rest was kind of iffy.

In my mind, this was not a script Tarantino should've won Original Screenplay for, but it could've very realistically had three actors nominated for Supporting Actor (Sam Jackson was the most well-written and acted of the three).

That's me getting off on a tangent again, but that, as it appears, is how I operate.


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James McClung
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 9:49pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Mr. Blonde
What was it originally like, James?


SPOILERS, needless to say...



...I warned you.



MAD SPOILERS...

The version I read (the one released by the Weinsteins so presumably a later draft than the leaked version) was really very similar to the film. Django and Broomhilda are captured immediately after Schultz is killed (no shootout).

The scene in a barn lasts a lot longer. It's a different character (Ace Woody) who threatens to castrate Django so they chat a little longer. Stephen also tortures Django with a red hot poker.

The LeQuint Dickey scene(s) last a lot longer. I actually wish they kept some of this material in the film as it explains why there're Australians in Mississippi and why they would even listen to Django (they're indentured servants). Instead, everyone's confused.

Django escapes, dispatches the trackers (with an axe, not a gun and even kills their dogs with poisonous mushrooms), rescues Broomhilda (here, from Billy Crash, following a rape scene).

Django blows up Candieland BEFORE the gang comes back from the funeral. He forces all of them (except the servants) to participate in a Mexican standoff. Ace Woody is the first to reach for his gun. Django kills all of them and blows them up with a stick of dynamite. No final speeches or nothing.

That's it.

With the exception of Broomhilda's rescue and the very last scene, I think the third act in the script is preferable to what's in the film (although Trinity Titoli is probably the best song of all time so maybe they balance out).

END SPOILERS

I honestly thought Django was great. There're scenes in it that I actually think are some of Tarantino's best work. It is very rough around the edges though. The death of Sally Menke, in particular, was a HUGE loss and definitely affected the film's rhythm. To me, it feels like the first film Tarantino didn't labor over to be absolutely perfect. I'm okay with that though; I think he peaked with Kill Bill.


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Mr. Blonde
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 10:16pm Report to Moderator
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Well, there's two different kinds of Tarantino. There's the '90s, small, very in-depth crime movies. Then, there's the new millennium overly-stylized Robert Richardson insanity fests.

While new millennium Tarantino is branching out (sort of), his movies don't have the grit and complete all-around solidarity that his '90s movies had.

I'll also disagree with your last part. I don't think he peaked with Kill Bill. First of all, Vol 2 is about 100 times better than Vol 1 is. It was a nice comeback from Jackie Brown (was never fond of it) but it never achieved full greatness. Funny thing, I hated Vol 2 the first time I saw it. Reason why? I expected Vol 1 again. However, each time I watch them, I like Vol 2 more and Vol 1 less. Same with Inglourious Basterds, I like it less each time.

But, I just got way off topic, as tends to happen with me. Point is, I knew a lot of that stuff (but didn't find out until you refreshed my memory) and think some's better and some isn't. One thing I liked about the film version that you didn't mention in the script version (the best moment post-shootout) was Stephen faking having a gimped out leg. That was the perfect final touch to his character, which was a great one.

P.S. Kurt Russell should've been in Django. I really wish he were. Mostly because the fact that they condensed him into Billy Crash didn't actually add any character to Billy Crash, which is odd.


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James McClung
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 10:34pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Mr. Blonde
One thing I liked about the film version that you didn't mention in the script version (the best moment post-shootout) was Stephen faking having a gimped out leg. That was the perfect final touch to his character, which was a great one.


Well, I mentioned that I preferred the final scene of the film to the Mexican standoff in the script. That'd include Stephen's reveal, I'd expect. Anyway, I loved this as well. What a great character.


Quoted from Mr. Blonde
P.S. Kurt Russell should've been in Django. I really wish he were. Mostly because the fact that they condensed him into Billy Crash didn't actually add any character to Billy Crash, which is odd.


I would've been absolutely stoked to have seen Kurt Russell in the film. The scene with Django in the barn plays out a lot better in the script. At the same time, I'm not sure how big a loss it is. Ace Woody really only has one substantial scene other than the one in the barn. It was totally a bit part.

Still, would've been cool for sure.


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Mr. Blonde
Posted: March 18th, 2013, 10:41pm Report to Moderator
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I know you were inferring it, but I still didn't know if it was there. I should've figured it was because that's the complete arc for Stephen's character.

Bit part or not, Kurt Russell was brilliant in Death Proof (if 2007 weren't such a strong year, I'd have considered a recommendation for Supporting Actor, but they also snubbed both Mark Ruffalo and Elias Koteas from Zodiac) by playing two characters: the cool, methodical killer and the whiny bitch and I have no doubt that he would've absolutely ruled his only major sequence in Django as well.


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