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Party Out Of Bounds - OWC (currently 393 views)
Posted: October 15th, 2019, 11:36am
Of The Ancients
Yes, that is my real hair...
Cave Creek, AZ
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It was by a huge grizzly bear that originally looked like an Indian. I don't know why he came into my house, turned into a bear, and then threw me into the fireplace.
The whole thing was very odd.
Reply: 15 - 17
Posted: October 16th, 2019, 7:30am
Been around a while
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English is capitalized.
Not a very promising start.
The kitchen is a disaster.
The priest is pretty random, I have to admit. This reads like an SNL sketch.
What the hell is gnurly?
Janet's possessed dialogue is way too over-the-top and cheesy. Sounds like something Rob Zombie would have written for his Halloween movies.
Now, where did I put that...aha!
Ziploc, a trademark, should be capitalized.
I proudly use the word "fuck," but I think these characters are saying it too much, again like Rob Zombie's Halloween movies.
At this point I'm bored, tired and skimming. You lost me at Powhatan.
Jeff's right. None of this makes sense. The writing's okay, the story isn't. Not for me, I'm sorry to say. Good job on knocking out a script and entering.
Reply: 16 - 17
Posted: October 18th, 2019, 2:20pm
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Well, that went south fast. Before Janet and Brad know it, they’re hosts to a battle royale between a demon, Stryker, his evil helper, the Priest, and an Indian fighter (as in being one, not fighting them), Powhatan. Excellent!
Reply: 17 - 17
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