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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Radio and Stage Plays  ›  The Woman In Me
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Don
Posted: July 18th, 2019, 5:39pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Woman In Me by Bernard Mersier - Play, Monologe - In this one act play, one woman speaks a powerful message to all women, explaining how they're no different from the next, and the choices they make are options. 7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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LC
Posted: July 18th, 2019, 7:52pm Report to Moderator
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Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

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Bernard,  imho you should have the women speak for themselves, for each of their different circumstances and and ages, and paths they chose to take, or had thrust upon them.

I like that you present the women at different ages and stages of their lives on stage but choosing a narrator ' the ' energy of life' ironically takes the energy away from this for me, and it becomes preachy and I fear could be a little monotonous to watch cause nothing's actually happening on stage - the women are mute.

But even before were born, this
is a preset road which we have control over the
outcome. But these are the women in me, the same as Im
in them.


A preset life would imply we have no control over already predetermined circumstances, but in reality only certain things in our lives are preset e.g. being born into poverty or disadvantage, or war, is out of our control. Even then though some people overcome those adversities. Our lives are ultimately built on the choices and decisions, wise and unwise, we take - think: The Sliding Doors scenario.

You're a bloke speaking for and on behalf of women. Potentially a bit of a dicey situation imho, and especially in a #metoo climate, cause you're presenting a lot of suppositions and stereotypes. Is this based purely on observation and/or anecdotes from female friends?

Now were sophisticated business women keeping a clean
household, steady income, and a "Husband" not a "Man"
something real women understand. We have loving husbands we love coming home making his meals.
Not because its a wifes job, but because he deserves
something on his stomach after a long day, and in
return he gives us massages and bubble baths, with
love-making that always make our toes curl...


Hmm, is this bit satire, or tongue in cheek?

You're onto a decent idea but the biggest irony is that your women are mute and this Energy Of Life speaks for them with a somewhat patriarchal tone - least that's how it's coming across to me.

You could be onto something here but, my advice to you is to get together with women and listen to their stories. Then write their truth and give them an actual voice on stage. Their voice.

The effect of this will also be to make it a more interactive experience by engaging your audience too.

FYI:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Vagina_Monologues

I'd like to hear what your intention is here, especially with your Energy Of Life narrator.


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Dustin
Posted: July 19th, 2019, 1:31am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Action speaks louder...

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I haven't read this... I was interested until I discovered it's written by a man.


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