I've tried online pitching.  The method is highly discouraged, but humans HAVE replied.  And anything that lets them know at least the title of the project is in the right direction.  So here's my highly discouraged method:

HIGHLY DISCOURAGED METHOD OF PITCHING, WHICH I CONTINUE NOT BECAUSE I'M A FOOL, BUT BECAUSE OF A MULTITUDE OF OTHER REASONS:
-Put your scripts on a web-site you've designed around your scripts, and e-mail potential producers; tell them that your web-site is a "temporary online" home/pitch for your scripts.  Beg them to read the scripts and consider producing the scripts.  Sound exactly as desperate as you are, no more / no less.

That's what I've been doing.  There aren't any producers in town (that I know of), with whom I could book a meeting, for a more proper pitch.  ADULT SWIM and CBC are the only people who've replied to my e-mails so far.  ADULT SWIM's reply assumed wrongly and prejudicially, whereas CBC said they'd reply in a week, then haven't replied.  I told CBC how important this is to me, but it turns out that Canadians are impolite.

What I am looking for is how to write a solid descriptive paragraph that accurately depicts the story without losing its intrigue or boring the prospective buyer. I would place this "pitch paragraph" in a query letter and mail it to parties looking to represent new writers. I know the query letter format, but summing up the story in a single paragraph, maybe two, without going overboard is kicking my butt.

I have a website already, but that's more for people to read, not for producers or agents to shop. That was never its intention, since they flat out won't do that for reasons of liability and possible copyright issues, etc, etc....

The query letter is the hardest thing for me to write (along with the treatment...grr!). Here is what I do:

Dear (persons name...try not to be general)

First paragraph is telling them that you have just finish said script from said genre. Maybe even a logline about the story.

Second paragraph is the synopsis. Mine revolves around who the characters are, what their goals/purposes are, who/what is trying to stop them acheiving the goal and what the ending COULD** be.

**  - This is debatable. Some people like to give the ending away, I like to keep it a mystery...that way, I try to intrigue the reader into wanting to read more.

Third paragraph is a brief description of myself, my work, achievements and any other useful information. I always close with asking them that if they are interested, I would gladly send a copy of the script or email it to them if it's more convenient.

Regards,
Stewart

------------------

This is pretty much it. I've yet to complete my next script and already I am dreading the query letter. I actually used ScriptBlaster last time, and got 10 responses to read.

MacDuff

How about catching their eye?  I read this in a book once.  Put your best screenplay in a fancy giftbox with bows and all the whistles, direct it to someone individually (you're sending your query letters to people by name, right?  "Dear Wonderful Lit Agent at XYZ Entertainment:" **shakes head vigorously**), and don't be afraid to use a little humor.  Query letters are so cold and formulaic.  You've seen one, you've seen a hundred.  Try standing out in other ways, besides just a concise description, etc, etc.  (But DO stick with that concise description!)

Be remembered, George.  Drum up office talk.  It can actually be a good thing if your scripts are as good as you say they are.

Also, do you consider the business of these agencies you are sending to?  Our company was sent a Roman Empire epic that the writer saw either as a "movie of the week" or "feature length film".  Oh, and he offered to change character names to suit our needs.  I took one look and threw it away.  Firstly, had he bothered to research before sending:  we're not in the business of making blockbusters with huge budgets, we produce independents.  (a weird mix of some quality and some crap, actually.) and if the writer was volunteering to change his vision to suit us, that was a red flag of desparation too.

Stay true, sound confident, and be different!

In the last couple of days I've logged on to the site in the hope of reading a good action or thriller script. As usual, I looked for scripts that no-one has commented on yet so as to be the first to share my wisdom (or lack of it) on the story at hand.

After reading the synopses of several scripts, I realized why no-one had read them yet:

    The synopsis explains the entire story!

At least 5 of the synopses I've read had this problem. Basically a blow by blow account of the plot including major events, deaths, surprise pregnancies, betrayals, and various other twists.

If I'm going to invest 2 hours in reading a script, I don't want to know who dies at the end of act one or who turns out to be whose father in the final act. These spoilers completely turn me off reading the script.

A synopsis or (even better) a logline, should tell you just enough to make you want to read more not put you off reading altogether.

The logline/synopsis shouldn't be more than thirty words long.  It should read like a TV Guide listing to your script and should contain just enough to draw the reader in.


Phil

TV Guide listing for say a Buffy would be like Buffy and The Gang fight a new evil which tells you just enough that makes you want to watch unless you're one of those people who would say "But she fights a new evil every week and always wins, what's the point?" That's the point I guess, if the logline doesn't tell us much people don't read and when it does tell too much still people don't read.

It's a never ending waste of time if you spend to much thinking about it.

Quoted from George Willson I know the query letter format

Um, as a total newbie to this sort of thing ( ), how does that format look like?

The basic format is a professional letter, except it is in 12-point courier, like it was typed...very much like a screenplay font. It should contain a logline, brief synopsis, and any of your history that might be pertinent. It should in no circumstance exceed one page, and under half a page is best. Brevity is the key word.

Just wanted to share some useful articles I read today.

Logline: http://www.twoadverbs.com/loglinearticle.htm

Pitch: http://www.twoadverbs.com/pitcharticle.htm

I've noticed a common mistake in people's story summaries which I want to bring up.  The following is a sample summary taken from elsewhere, with some minor changes:

"Last year four people were murdered. One of which was Richie Ford's mother. A second which was Toby's brother. Now, a year later, the murders return and Joe Schmidt and his sister Polly will uncover the mystery of these horrible deaths and see how the other two murders last year will tie into the killer's motive."

You shouldn't drop characters names into the summary like this.  They don't mean anything.  It's not as if the summary read, "At the height of the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln discovers a horrifying secret about himself."  We know who Lincoln is.  We don't know who Richie, Toby, Jow and Polly are.  Listing their names is not a draw.  We don't know who they are or how they are all related.

And unless you can identify them in the summary (without making it too long) you should leave the names out.


Phil

This thread can be a good forum for showing people how it should be done.

If you (not just talking to Phil here, but anyone) stumble across one that is really excellent, maybe copy and paste it here so those that are struggling with this will have some good examples to work from.

And explain why the summary is so good.

And Phil's example notwithstanding -- as it is was meant to be instructive -- don't just pick on people by tossing up bad ones, either.

While I totally agree with both of you, I still think you can fit a non-famous name into the summary without leaving the reader scratching his/her head. For example, a summary for an old script I wrote:

"When 11-year old Kayley Jones wandered into the forest, no one would believe her story when she emerged 14 days and 50 miles away later...."

I think that works...but again, I do agree that "Billy killed his brother while Toby looked on..." does'nt work in a summary or logline...

What do you think?

Would it be out of character to kinda want to know just what did happen to KAYLEY JONES? You kinda sparked my interest... LOL!

I wrote the first draft back in the spring. I'll have to fish it out and start the re-write for it.

I'm glad it peaked the interest, but I'm not giving anything away....