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Hey guys First, sorry if this has already been discussed elsewhere. I tried searching for something along these lines, but couldn't find anything.
I'm working on a scene with two men, set in one man's front yard, and they hear the guy's kids arguing in the house. The substance of the argument doesn't matter, just that the men can hear them bickering.
So how would I format that? Is it okay to keep it an action line?
Hey guys I'm working on a scene with two men, set in one man's front yard, and they hear the guy's kids arguing in the house. The substance of the argument doesn't matter, just that the men can hear them bickering.
So how would I format that? There's several ways you can do that. Is it okay to keep it an action line? yes.
Just one example.
EXT. HOUSE - DAY
Bill and Jack, mid-argument, drink beer. Inside the house, KIDS argue.
Jim and Steve (both 45) stand over a ride-on lawn mower. The hood is off the machine and the engine is exposed. Both men have beer bottles in their hands.
STEVE So, how old is this piece of shit?
JIM I had the house for twelve years--
STEVE Twelve years? Jesus Christ--!
MARY (V.O.) (muffled) Where's my diary, you idiot?
The two look toward the house.
BOBBY (V.O.) (muffled) I don't know!
MARY (V.O.) (muffled) You're a liar!
BOBBY (V.O.) (muffled) You're ugly!
Steve drinks his beer as Jim shakes his head in disbelief.
Haha, aside from giving me a good laugh, that's also really helpful. I suppose that might be the way to go if I need the argument to be a stronger beat...right?
No need Phil... I couldn't agree more with you, but from what rdhay wrote i took it as... we can hear them argue but can't make out the convo. (what do you think?)
Maybe "raised voices come from inside the house."
@rdhay... better yet, how about you have the kids just yell and scream. That would work. Or better yet, you stated the argument isn't important, maybe consider taking it out.
Okay, I see what you're saying. Maybe I'll go with the yelling and screaming then. Because it is important that the men hear them going at it, but not really something I want to emphasize by putting it to dialogue. If that makes sense.
If you can hear what people are saying, you have top write the dialogue
I agree with that. I don't, however, agree with Phil's use of (V.O.). That dialogue should read (O.S.) IMO. To me (V.O.) is reserved for narration... and telephone calls for some reason. Anyone's voice that can be heard in the scene should be off screen.
This can be debated, one of those tricky rules about screenwriting.
(V.O.) is reserved for dialog that is recorded and inserted in the film in post. Having a microphone outside the house, recording two people screaming inside, is very iffy.
If you don't intend the reader/viewer to understand what the argument is about, then you can just say that they argue.
I think V.O is correct is this situation, since the sound is recorded and played over the scene. O.S is used if a character speaks off screen, the sound is not recorded and the character is ready to appear back on screen at a moments notice.
Thanks guys I went with the action line of screaming kids. But it's good to know - I would've gone with OS rather than VO. VO does make more sense though, especially since the kids never actually come into the scene.
Don't say that the characters argue (sorry Ghostie). If you can hear what people are saying, you have top write the dialog.
Phil
Which is something I remembered when writing CaillIIIx.
>Bride rambles instructions. Oui-Do dreams a kiss.
When I had written that, I thought twice because I thought it might read as weak; however, I thought anyone with half a brain would imagine her as going into yada-yada mode while Oui-Do imagines he's kissing her, disregarding what those instructions were.
The question we must ask ourselves, is how detailed must we be. Often, in drafts there's a lot of stupid details that are written in that don't need to be there like:
Joe Surgeon stands at the operating table performing his operation.
What else is he going to be doing? Sitting? Of course, if it's something exceptional that doesn't normally happen, it's got to be written in.
Thing is, the writer's spidey writer sense needs to be trained to recognize when something needs clarity, but not so much detail that is unnecessary and that is always going to be dependent upon context. If we need to know that a surgeon is sloppy or nervous and that he's standing and shifting weight from one foot to the next, for some odd reason, then that detail is necessary. It all depends.
We need to ask ourselves what the scene is trying to accomplish. If the said argument is not important, but (for instance) it just needs to be a diversion for outside beer drinkers, then maybe it would be alright to write it in the black biz as ad lib that is too far off to be recognizable speech? I'm not sure.
I agree with that. I don't, however, agree with Phil's use of (V.O.). That dialogue should read (O.S.) IMO. To me (V.O.) is reserved for narration... and telephone calls for some reason. Anyone's voice that can be heard in the scene should be off screen.
This can be debated, one of those tricky rules about screenwriting.
James
The use of V.O. being reserved for narration is something I gleaned from reading scripts. I remember being unsure of V.O. vs O.S.
The question I have is this: technically, you are supposed to provide the argument in the script if it is something we can hear. But as this is likely a spec script, if including that argument makes it a more awkward read, might it be better to not include it as dialogue? Let the director take it where he will, as long as he understands what is going on? I mean the important thing is to get a producer or director to like the story?
As long as it still seems to be generally formatted within bounds, of course.
For example, our main characters are in a bar talking. They notice that in the corner, an argument is breaking out. We want this in the script, because it will lead to a bar fight in which the main characters get involved. And technically, we will be able to hear the argument, or parts of it. But it might make sense to simply say in an action line that an argument is brewing in the corner.
I suppose the question might be whether you want/need the main character(s) to actually hear what is being said or if it's enough for them to just be aware that someone is arguing.
Of course, I could be totally wrong. It just seems to me like if you detail the dialogue when the dialogue doesn't matter to the story at all, you're only stopping the story's momentum.
Still, I look to the gurus for an answer on this one
I've had some discussions about a similar problem. The issue is how much information do you need to include in the script, how much should be left to the director to figure out.
For example, 2 boys are fishing on the shore of the lake. A gang of 5 kids show up led by a large bully. How much description is needed or wanted here of the gang? How much description is needed of the bully? If this is the only scene for the bully, could you just say "a big obnoxious bully right out of central casting"?
I suppose the question might be whether you want/need the main character(s) to actually hear what is being said or if it's enough for them to just be aware that someone is arguing.
Of course, I could be totally wrong. It just seems to me like if you detail the dialogue when the dialogue doesn't matter to the story at all, you're only stopping the story's momentum.
Still, I look to the gurus for an answer on this one
You are correct! The writer needs to discern whether it's necessary or not.
For instance, (as I mentioned in a post above re: my script CaillIIIx) I had written that:
>Bride rambles instructions.
To denote the fact that she was yada-yada-ing and her love interest, Oui-Do was dreaming a kiss at this moment.
I think I could have been more clear, but the point is that I didn't need words taking up the space because it wasn't important.
So:
The question for the writer is:
Are the words of the argument heard from inside important to the story?
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Formatting an impromptu argument
First, sorry if this has already been discussed elsewhere. I tried searching for something along these lines, but couldn't find anything.
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