Hey,

I'm currently working on a screenplay (again) that I had already given up on months ago. I decided to give it another shot after I received very positive feedback for the plot in general and its creativity and uniqueness. But then again, creating a plot is way easier than writing a screenplay...

I consider myself a fairly "good" writer when it comes to the visuals, structure and action/description. But what really pi**es me off at the moment is dialogue. I've read so many articles about how to avoid "on the nose" dialogue but everything I write seems wrong and replaceable. I feel like this "rule" is sometimes uncalled for, just like some of these other rules of writing a spec script... plus I'm not a native speaker, which makes it even harder...

Here's an example:

One of the characters discovers something absolutely amazing (which marks a turning point) and I wanted to give him a line of dialogue. The line was:

"This changes everything"

To me this is "on the nose" because that's exactly what he feels in this moment but I can't come up with something subtle. And that's just one line!

I'm not making any progress because of the dialogue and this is utterly frustrating because I really believe in this idea and the script.

How do you write dialogue and what do you do to improve it? Any tips?

Thanks in advance.

There are two kinds of dialogue - "movie talk" and "real talk".

Choose which you prefer and write the dialogue like the character would say it.

To me, "character" oozes from dialogue.  You wanna know who someone really is?  Listen to what they say and how they say it.  You can't have good characters without good dialogue.

As for OTN dialogue, keep in mind that some peeps really do talk that way...so...if you have a character that's one of those peeps, let him/her speak OTN.  Just make sure all your characters don't speak that way.

You need to put yourself into the scenes you create and then put yourself into the actual character.  How would they say this and that, given who they are, where they are, and what they're up against.  Read all dialogue out loud, over and over until it sounds "right".

Good luck.  

Quoted from Dreamscale As for OTN dialogue, keep in mind that some peeps really do talk that way...so...if you have a character that's one of those peeps, let him/her speak OTN.  Just make sure all your characters don't speak that way.

True. That's where you have a ready character to respond with, "thanks, Captain Obvious."

I generally suck at dialogue. To your point about that line, "that changes everything," sometimes "shit," works just as well.

When was the last time you heard anyone say "that changes everything?"

In my job we get updates that change things, sometimes they change a lot. They change peoples schedules, cost money, etc. What goes through my mind is all that stuff but what I do is ask another team member if they saw "it" and then tell them my thoughts about what the impact is and we go from there.

I just watched the intro to CONTACT last night and not once did they "this changes everything." They checked things out every which way to make sure the sound was real and that's what they talked about.

Maybe what happens changes some things but not everything. You still gotta eat, sleep, be in love, kill bad guys, what have you. Unless that thing is...you got killed.

Disclaimer -- this may be completely incoherent and involves science that I don't actually understand and may just be making up. Continue on at your own risk...

Here's one way to look at it. Your ultimate goal is to tell a good story. A good story engages the listener (or in this case reader). The problem with OTN dialogue is it doesn't engage the brain very much. There is nothing implied, nothing beneath the surface. Sure, millions of neurons will be firing just to interpret these squiggles into letters and words and so on, but nothing beyond that. When you imply things, when there is hidden meaning behind a line of dialogue, it engages the brain on a whole other level.

For example...

Let's say you have a script where the main character gets transported to a whole other world. He stares out at a vast, alien landscape and says "We're not in Kansas anymore". The implication here is something like "this changes everything". But it's done through a pop culture reference. So the brain has to go that extra step to recognize the reference and derive meaning.

Or the main character might say, with a casual shrug, "Well, that was a hell of a thing". Again, similar implication. But now the line reveals something about the character's personality. He/she just witnessed an astonishing thing and barely reacted to it. So the reader finds out this character is even-keeled, subdued. Or it reinforced these traits that were already established earlier. Either way, neurons are firing on overdrive to make this connection.

Or the main character might say to another character, "You've done it this time. Are you happy now?". Now the line is revealing/reinforcing something about a different character's personality. It implies the other person is stubborn, refuses to listen to reason, etc. And yet even here the line still essentially boils down to "that changes everything".

The most important thing is don't get discouraged. Just keep reading pro scripts and writing. Hopefully what I just said was in some way helpful, but there's no secret formula. The key is time, practice, and never ever giving up.  

One way to solve this problem would be to write 'blah, blah, blah' for every bit of dialogue. You could change shit up with 'blah, blah... blah, blah', or even, if you're feeling particularly daring, you could change the vowel... bleh, for example.

Don't be afraid to write some bullshit. If you have the gist of a scene on paper, it's A LOT easier to fine-tune. Like Jeff (Dreamscale) said, "what they say and how they say it." First the "what" then the "how" (you can't have the latter without the former). Do the best you can, of course, but if you fret over every last detail to the point where you can't move forward, you might just shift your focus to the basics and push forward (you can change any and/or all of it later).

Take it from me. The last 2-3 years have not been good for me writing-wise. You always want to improve, naturally, but you have to write first and foremost. If you expect perfection in the first pass, you might not write anything at all, which is the ultimate hinderance and generally has no value.

On being too on-the-nose, you want to strike a balance between clear and natural dialogue. Personally, I err on the side of clear nowadays. I've put an emphasis on both in various projects and found dialogue that's too cryptic will hurt more than the overly obvious. You can still write good dialogue even if it's "movie-ish," but again... balance. It's all a dance.

Guys I'm telling you, the key is neurons in the brain, okay. That was in no way a hangover induced rambling, incoherent explanation I gave earlier. Neurons and Thetan levels. That's all you need to know.

Thanks for all the feedback so far. I think I'll just write whatever comes to my mind first and then fine-tune it later because otherwise I won't make any progress at all and that would result in quitting again sooner or later.

@cloroxmartini: Nobody says "This changes everything", that's why I used this line as an example of how OTN it is.

But like I said, I'll just write what comes to my mind, maybe I'll even leave the dialogue blank and just write the rest first? We'll see...

Get to know your characters, then you will be able to think of what they would say.
You could use characters that you already know (real people). Write them into your scripts. Since you know them already, you would have an easier time with what your character would say.
For example, don't use Joe who is a barber in real life as Joe the barber in your script. Use Joe as a murderer or a crooked cop. Since you already know him from real life just throw his character into a situation.
Hope this helps.
Cindy

Your specific problem here is more to do with Unrealistic Character Reactions than dialogue.

If someone discovers something amazing...they react wildly.

See Archimedes "Eureka moment when he jumps out of the bath and runs through town naked, shouting in happiness.

Character comes almost exclusively from action...not dialogue.

A character can recite phrases from the Bible and be either a kindly Priest, or a violent psychopath. It's what they do that matters.

Indeed you don't even need any dialogue at all to create character.

He should react in keeping with his character.


In terms of avoiding otn stuff then work on subtext.

This is where people are talking about something unrelated but it's REALLY about what they're actually feeling. A guy who wants to ask out a girl, but he ends up rambling about flowers, or a kidnapper with his hostage who starts talking about football and the hostage somehow knows that this conversation us going to mean life or death.

Sometimes exposition is necessary. Cop shows especially.

I love dialogue and I find it the easiest to write. I challenged myself to write a ten page monologue once, I only managed six  but I found it easier than writing a single paragraph of action lol!

When I’m writing dialogue I’ve already had a long conversation in my head with the characters concerned. I just let them chat to each other in my mind, or sometimes I chat to them. This seems to make it flow more naturally for me. Then when I’m writing it I ask myself, “Am I getting my character to say this because I want to inform the audience of something?” If the answer is yes, then I change it. This is because the character is talking to another character, not to the audience. If the character is actually confused and asks a sensible question at the right time in a natural way, then fine. If not, I have to change it.

Then when I’m happy with the general direction of the conversation, I’ll sometimes just say it in a different way to stop it from sounding dull. “This changes everything” for example. No-one really says that apart from TV shows. So I’d maybe go with a more Tarantino approach, “This is the game changer of game changers man, this is like Pac-Man eating all the Space Invaders and shitting out a fucking Centipede.” Or maybe it will be something more simple like, “Christmas has come early for this naughty little boy.” Or maybe I’d just get the character to swear lol. It all depends on the character and their situation.

Then finally, the most important part. I read it out loud and tweak it, as it rarely sounds as good as it reads.

I hope that helps.

You need to read scripts. 12 Angry Men is a choice. 90% of the plot development is done through dialogue, not boring. 12 jurors have different personalities so you can learn different kinds of voice. Besides you cam learn how to build up conflict, tension and suspenseful atmosphere through the dialogue.

Hope this help.

Lot of good advice here, IMO. I would add one other issue - Length. People generally don't talk in paragraphs. I've ready many scripts where the dialogue was just too damn long to be natural.