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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    September 2011 One Week Challenge  ›  Alone - OWC - Filmed Moderators: Don
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  Author    Alone - OWC - Filmed  (currently 19567 views)
Nomad
Posted: February 6th, 2013, 11:13am Report to Moderator
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Having your script filmed is the best reason to bump a thread.

I enjoyed the video.  I'm not a big fan of voice over, but it worked in this instance.

The music fit perfectly and the overall sound quality was good for the most part.  The sound of the girl peeling the tape off the door was too quiet or maybe too distant, and the 911 calls at the end were too loud.  These are just minor issues that I had.

I didn't care for the out of focus shots of the girl in front of the blinds.  I'm not sure what you were trying to show with that.

Overall this was a well made short.  Congratulations.

Jordan


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED

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Nomad  -  February 6th, 2013, 11:38am
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Zombie Sean
Posted: February 7th, 2013, 10:25pm Report to Moderator
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Jordan,

I like voice over but only if it's done to where the voice over is continuous throughout the film. If it only pops up at the beginning or the end, or both, then I'm just like, "Then why use it?"

The music was actually composed by the same guy who wrote (ghost-wrote?) for big budgeted movies. His name is Dana Glover, on IMDB at least, but I don't know how our producer found him and got him to do this for free! I guess maybe he was just looking for smaller pieces of work? The sound is kind of funky. The tape coming off the walls is quiet because I believe the director didn't want to overpower the voice over. And the police calls at the end credits are pretty loud, too, but nothing way too concerning. Sound is always one of my biggest issues in the films I make or help make. I can just never seem to get it right, or find someone to get it right.

I came up with the majority of the shots and then brought them to the attention of my director and cameraman, and they didn't have a problem with the out-of-focus shot. Well, actually, my cameraman asked what the purpose of it was for, and honestly, I wanted to use it because that's how I saw it in my head when I was writing the script. I don't know why, maybe just for "artistic" purposes, but the director liked it, so I'm not totally the one to blame

Thanks for watching, and I'm glad you liked it!

Sean


CLICK HERE FOR MY WEBSITE AND OTHER SCRIPTS

Swan Song - Short, Drama (for the September 2021 OWC)
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Jeremiah Johnson
Posted: February 8th, 2013, 12:08am Report to Moderator
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Just wanted to drop you a note.  I saw the film but haven't read the script yet.  I will try to get to it later.  I like to see how the film matches up to the script.

Overall, the film was good.  The sound was off once.  The beginning had her speaking close to the microphone, but a little later you can tell she was further.  I know, picky picky.  I thought you guys did a good job and, as said before, always good to see your work on film!!!!!!!

Congratulations!!!!


My Scripts:
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khamanna
Posted: February 8th, 2013, 3:03am Report to Moderator
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I just watched the movie - very nice! Nice shots, good acting, nice directing - nicey nice all around!
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rc1107
Posted: February 8th, 2013, 12:28pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Sean.  Long time no talk.

I remember reading this one.

I think this was a great job all around.  Very professional, escpecially for a short.

Like I said before, I love voiceovers and this voiceover was done nicely.  It evoked her thoughts well.  There's no other way to get that information across to the viewer.

Lol.  I remembered all the descriptions of the blinds in the script and saw they made it to the filmed draft.  While I still admit you way over-described them in the script, it looks great on film.  No harm, no foul there.

I was wondering if you got a professional musician to score this, because they did a great job on it.

Great work on everybody's part.  Congrats, Sean.

I might have to send a couple shorts of mine your way.


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Electric Dreamer
Posted: February 8th, 2013, 1:02pm Report to Moderator
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Nicely done, Sean!
I'm not a huge fan of V.O., but it does fit the bill here.

My fave shot...
The "breathing" plastic over the vent...
Like a heaving black beast waiting for a victim.
NICE!

Regards,
E.D.


LATEST NEWS

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is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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Toby_E
Posted: February 8th, 2013, 3:14pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Sean,

Never read the script, but this was a very nice short. I'm a sucker for a good voice-over (probably due to my love affair with film-noir), and the voice-over here did not disappoint.

Everything in the short came together nicely: decent production value, and well directed, edited and acted. You should be proud of this. It's definitely one of the better shorts I've watched recently   

Did you have another role, in addition to writing it? And what did you guys film this on?

All the best.

Toby.


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Jeremiah Johnson
Posted: February 9th, 2013, 3:03am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Electric Dreamer
Nicely done, Sean!
I'm not a huge fan of V.O., but it does fit the bill here.

My fave shot...
The "breathing" plastic over the vent...
Like a heaving black beast waiting for a victim.
NICE!

Regards,
E.D.


Agree.


My Scripts:
SHORTS
Bed Bugs
I Got The Shaft
No Clowning Around
Fool's Gold
Five Days for Redemption

TELEVISION
Father, Forgive Me
Sheriff of Nowhere
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DarrylLuster
Posted: March 2nd, 2013, 5:24pm Report to Moderator
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Dear Sean, After reading your story. I started to think. What type of virus could have one confined inside a home. And what type of virus could be so widespread until it will keep someone's own mother from calling them for three whole days.

I would like to also add this, You need to insert an Ellipsis when she walks around the coffee table where the cell phone sit, and into another room, at the beginning of her voice over underneath the narration. Just to try to spread a little more of this one of a kind virus.

Now. Whatever this virus is, it has got to effect the human central nervous system or
produce and muscle disfunction, to make a persons own Mother to just not want to call their child for three whole days. Because if her Mother is at one location and her daughter is at another location, it shouldn't be a problem at all to just pick up the cell phone and try to find out what is happening in this moment of plague.

I really like your story. It is very interesting.

Darryl  

  
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