Again-
You're really great at setting mood.


-I like the schoolbus setting and the zombie attack that takes place on it. Nice scene!


-You never really introduced Darren's mom, only in dialogue. I'm not sure but I think you should Cap lock her name in the text also.

Quoted Text DARREN Shut up, faggot!

Lol...this reminds me of how my cousin and his little brother talk to each other.

Quoted Text BEN What if it isn't the same prescription?

I think all asthma inhalers are typical Albuterol, aren't they? So ther'd only be one kind of prescription, right?

Quoted Text A zombie falls to the ground, "dead for a second time"

I like how you put that.


-I think Max and Valerie are married kinda young. aren't they in their late teen, early twenties?


- I like your reason for the Zombie outbreak and how its all virusy and can be transmitted through water instead of just a bite.


- That was messed up how the lil' girl died right in front of her mother. I felt sorry for her. Tough shit.


-LMAO! What the cook says at the end is so ironic as if he knows what's happening.


FINISHED

That was a great and really fast read. GOOD JOB! I liked most of the character's and am anxious to see what happens to them. This is a good start and the ending makes me want to keep reading right through the sencond episode.
I think I'll do just that.
Nice one


-SHAWN

Thanks for reading, Shawn. About the inhalers, I need to revise my script because I looked it up on wikipedia a few days after sending it in (I don't know why I didn't look it up while writing it, what was I thinkin'?) and yeah, all inhalers use Albuterol, so I hafta change it.

About Max and Valerie marrying young, one of my sister's friends is getting married and she's about 20, along with my cousin who's about 20 also.

I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the comments everyone.

Sean

(Thoughts as I Read)










SPOILERS











- I Didn't expect Drake to get bitten...you said he and Tucker would be focused on more in this episode.


- (Darren gets interrupted from drinking the water by Carl)
Lucky Bastard


-

Quoted Text Don't worry, you don't have to

Is that like a theme dialogue for this episode because it's been said like Three time so far.


-

Quoted Text MAX ...Try his cell phone. VALERIE He doesn't have one. He hates cell phones.

Is this a reference to Cell?


-

Quoted Text MAX ...We will go to is your house and see if we can find them

Is it supposed to be "his" house or "Your" house?


-Can the zombies teleport? lol. Because they came out of nowhere. STEALTH ZOMBIES!!!


-Why are they going to a hospital? That means A LOT of DEAD PEOPLE!!!!


-

Quoted Text SHERRY It would be great if you ate breakfast with lunch[center]

Is this supposed to be "With us" or is she actually saying to eat breakfast and lunch together?


-

Quoted Text Trucker walks up towards the hospital, using the cracked and destroyed pathway

Trucker to Tucker.


-

Quoted Text TUCKER There's a first aid kid back at the shelter--

Kid to kit


-

Quoted Text ...the doctor runs into the all

all to hall


-

Quoted Text A hand suddenly burst through the doctors chest.

Cool....The heart's still beating...ugh. lol


-They don't have first aid kits in hospitals (I think) because the whole place is first aid kit. Don't they keep all there supplies in drawers and cabinets and stuff.


-Wow...another person saved from drinking water. I wonder how long they can survive without water.


-I keep getting Tucker and Drake mixed up. Drake's the one who got bit right?


FINISHED


You always end with a cliffhanger. I enjoyed this. My only complaint is that it seems like not much happened in this episode.


-Shawn 8

I didn't know I had that many mistakes...and I thought Microsoft word was reliable with it's spelling and grammar checked...even though it really isn't its fault, since the words I misspelled were also words..., but yes with all the mistakes you caught, your guesses are right. In order it's:

1. Your house
2. With us
3. Tucker
4. Kit
5. Hall

I don't understand what you mean by "Is this a reference to Cell?" Cell's a movie right? If it is, I've never seen it. You can make "Don't worry, you don't have to" the theme dialogue if you want to . Yes Drake is the one who got bit.

But thanks for reading and I will get to Movie Days Episode 2 as soon as possible!

Sean

Ugh....not the J. Lo Cell....
Cell is a book by Stephen King in which there's a zombie breakout through signals sent through cell phones. It's great.

Episode 3:




SPOILERS













-Ben is always bratty.


-Finally they're off the bus! I thought they'd be on there FOR-E-VER....FOR-E-VER...lol


-

Quoted Text Max comes to the rescue, smacking every zombie in the head with a metal pole like a baseball bat

LOL.


-Yes! I love horror elevator scenes


-

Quoted Text She considers about what she can do with it, maybe contact Tucker if his radio is on

You're writing the characters thoughts.


-

Quoted Text She turns around, her back towards Drake's still dead body

Why would she do this when she knows he's going to reanimate in a couple of seconds?


-Does the yellow coating over Drake's teeth magically appear once he becomes undead or were they already buttered when he was alive? COLGATE!


-

Quoted Text CUT TO: (BLANK)

You have no scene heading.


-Aw Crap...Darren's psychic(sp?)! Hannah's gonna die?


-

Quoted Text DARREN ...That kiss or that moment was really cliche

True...


-

Quoted Text He picks up his arm and drops it

I think it's supposed to be She....unless Dawn had a sex change within two minutes. Lol.

Quoted Text It stops raining. It stops raining...

Was this doubled done purposely for effect?


FINISHED


Nice Ep. I'm officially a fan of this series. Keep it up.

Oh snap. I just read the synopsis or logline or whatever for episode 4...."the only problem..there isn't one"
Really? Interesting. I'll read it tomorrow.

Just read the first episode, Sean; I liked it. Got some comments.

*SPOILERS*

The main problem with the zombie genre is that it’s a little worn out; everyone knows what zombies look like and what they do. So the secret to make a compelling zombie script is to keep the basics but find out an original twist, IMO.

The last zombie movie I watched (Land of the Dead) worked on zombie’s learning abilities; they became smarter by the minute. That felt like an original angle.

“Infected” deals with an original form of infection. Everyone knows that if you get bitten by a zombie, you become one. But in this script, the virus can spread on its own. I liked that idea; felt like something new to the genre. Since I don’t watch much zombie movies, I could be wrong, but at least for me it felt original.

The story kicks in right away and the reader gets immediately immersed in an apocalyptic setting, which is interesting.

The last sequence with the virus spreading was cool, but I think you didn’t take full advantage of the dramatic possibilities of this idea. I felt like these scenes were designed to inspire certain feeling of dread, of things getting out of control. That’s good but…

You open with things already out of control. People are hiding in shelters. Zombies stumble around flipped over cars. Trash litters the streets, fire erupts from buildings, etc.

Maybe you wanted to imply that the virus was spreading to other not infected cities? Make this more clear. Show the military taking precautions to stop zombies (or normal people just in case) to leave the infected city. You could use SUPERS to establish that the story takes place in one city and that the people getting infected at the end of the episode are in other cities.

Some small things:

Didn’t like Darren’s “Jesus Christ so this is becoming to be like a zombie movie come true?” Kind of drags me out of the story and reminds me I’m reading a zombie script.

The use you make of (CONT’D) is technically correct, but it has become old fashioned; you don’t need it anymore. It’s pretty obvious when a character continues speaking without need of adding any CONT’D.

Your scenes in the woods take place in an “outside” environment. Should be “EXT” not “INT.” despite the presence of some trees.

Hope this helps.

Hey Mr. Z, thanks for the comment.

Quoted Text Maybe you wanted to imply that the virus was spreading to other not infected cities?

Read Episode 5 (or I think it's five, I have to check.)

Quoted Text The use you make of (CONT’D) is technically correct, but it has become old fashioned; you don’t need it anymore. It’s pretty obvious when a character continues speaking without need of adding any CONT’D.

Yeah, that's true, but I'm starting to use Final Draft, and it uses CONT'D automatically, so...

Quoted Text Your scenes in the woods take place in an “outside” environment. Should be “EXT” not “INT.” despite the presence of some trees.

Found that out after I wrote Episode one.

Thanks for the advice.

Sean

I've been in New York for awhile and didn't have access to the internet so I couldn't get this up. This was the first I read while there...awhile ago so I'll go over it again.

Episode Four:








SPOILERS

Quoted Text Right there, in the garden next to the window, is a dead zombie

-As if there's a such thing as an Alive zombie. All zombies are dead. ...oh, I get what you're saying. Got kinda confused.


-I didn't completly understand how the plank of wood was stopping them from opening the door.Could you clear that up?


-There was so much going on at the shelter that I had completely forgotten about the Dawn/Tucker story.

Quoted Text TUCKER We do they usually keep the food?

We to Where?

Quoted Text Dawn begins putting water bottles and V8 splashes in the bag. She puts a few diet cokes and cokes in the bag but not too many

-Is it really important that we know what kinda drink they're getting? Does this have something to do with the water content in the drinks? Could this be possible bad news?


-The food description is really slowing the read. Is it important? If it has to do with water or whatever...then fine but other wise it kinda slows it down.




This was a pretty good episode. I like it second to the first. I like the Dawn character. I wanna know more about her. The only problem I had was with some of the description at the hospital. Otherwise...Great!

Keep it up.


-Shawn

Quoted from Shawnkjr -I didn't completly understand how the plank of wood was stopping them from opening the door.Could you clear that up?

This is going to be hard to explain...It's the type of door where you are supposed to pull to open it. The door knob (it's quite long for this type of thing to happen) is sticking out, and the plank slides over, lodging itself between the doorknob and the actual door. The plank is able to slide past the door, creating a lock (kind of what they used in mideavil days to lock doors). Here's a picture of what kind of door it is (just imagine a plank of wood behind the doorknob, creating a sort of mideavil lock):



(Sorry it's big! And I hope you understand what I'm talking about...)

Quoted from Shawnkjr -Is it really important that we know what kinda drink they're getting? Does this have something to do with the water content in the drinks? Could this be possible bad news?

Once again, I get a little over hand with description...

Quoted from Shawnkjr This was a pretty good episode. I like it second to the first. I like the Dawn character. I wanna know more about her.

Don't worry, she's sticking around for a while...

Sean

this is good stuff. and the fact that youre only 16 makes it even more impressive.  i actually had an idea for a Zombie series a while ago... having to do with a biological weapon aliens used so we'd wipe out eachother then enslave those that survived..  but i could never figure out how to do it -  developing good characters and at the same time keeping a satisfying bodycount in each episode without killing off all my characters.  

i can tell you know this genre well....

SwapJack: Hey, I'm glad you liked it. That idea of yours sounds complicated, but if you really work it out and make sure things don't move too fast, I'm sure you'd be able to succeed.

And yes, I am a big fan of zombie films. I've watched many ever since I saw previews for the remake of Dawn of the Dead (which was a fantastic movie, no matter what anyone says).

ALIEN MAN: I've been thinking up a plot for Episode 8 that I'm going to try and stretch to about an hour long. It's going to be the lives of almost each character before and during the zombie invasion.

Sean

Solid Zombie Stuff

Hey Sean, just finished episode 1. It sets the pace for the series, but by itself it's only average. Solid, but average.

There was some decent gore through out. The characters was personable enough, lthough some of the dialogue was somewhat suspect.

I wonder how Valery got to the bus... maybe i'll get the answer in a future episode.

I like how the infection spreads through the water. It kept things interesting.

Overall, a good first episode. I look foward to the next episode.

~Zack~

Even better than the first episode!

Episode 2 is takes the atmosphere of episode 1 and cranks it up a notch. This series is very well paced and the characters are beginning to grow on me.

This episode is riddled with spelling errors.

Dialogue is still somewhat bland and cheesy.

I loved the Docters death, that was just awsome.

I really like how your using the water as the source of infection. It's very suspensful!

I'll be sure to check out the next episode and get a review up as soon as possible.

~Zack~