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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Bratpack Moderators: bert
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  Author    Bratpack  (currently 654 views)
Don
Posted: January 19th, 2025, 4:05pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Bratpack: Deaths In The Family by Callum M. Martin - Series, Action, Adventure, Superhero, Mystery - In a biting critique of the superhero genre, based on  Rick Veitch's Bratpack, a group of disillusioned young sidekicks grapple with their identities and moral dilemmas in a world where adult heroes exploit their powers for fame and profit, leading them to confront the dark truths behind their predecessors' tragic fates. 33 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Drongo Bum
Posted: February 15th, 2025, 8:03pm Report to Moderator
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I'm not a superhero fan at all, but hey....

This script is any episode of Teen Titans Go! meets this episode of the The Tick except it doesn't know it. That's not a criticism.

The opening is a nice attempt at world building but it soon drags. The a/v cutting is okay but you could save yourself a bunch of second unit work by dispensing with many of the city/establishing shots and focusing on either the jock or the caller in either's natural environment.

A more conventional writing style could also be warranted, along with another pass or three for grammar, punctuation and spelling errors. (There are too many.)

You could trim this back by at least a page with a little more showing and a little less telling.

That aside, the story doesn't dawdle, and your dialogue is pretty good.


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