Mr. Smith Goes Diving by Matthew Chisholm & Alex Cooper - Short, Parody - This Winter, all the power in the world can't change idiocy. Two years after his somewhat blotched courtcase, Mr. Smith has finally been released from federal prison and plans to live life to the full. He starts by spending the day at the beach, learning to scuba dive and meet new friends. - htm, format  

I have no idea why I pulled this one up, really.  It doesn't sound that good, but, in fairness, the formatting is just fine.  And it's pretty short.

But you guys need to go back to the drawing board on this one, I'm afraid.  I think this is supposed to be a comedy, but half the jokes I don't even get, and those that I do get ("...I am onto you like Barney the Dinosaur on a child...") really aren't that funny.  I mean, Barney jokes?  Also, (spoilers here, but not that it matters):  

*  A snorcell?  I think you mean snorkel.  And he's never seen one before?  I find that pretty hard to believe.
*  He is holding up an oil tanker and thinks it's a fish?  What?  I don't get this section at all.  Not even a little.  What is winking at him?

The biggest problem is that you failed to make Mr. Smith a likable character.  We have no sense of him at all, aside from the fact that he is a complete moron, and that is not enough.  I would tell you that exapanding his character would improve this story, but frankly, I don't think this story deserves it.

So my advice is to take your good formatting skills and apply them to a new idea.  Something with a compelling character in it.

Also, the logline makes this seem like a sequel of sorts.  A sequel to what?  Surely you guys are not talking about Jimmy Stewart in this role...surely not.  Please tell me you're not.

Well thanks Bert for taking the time to comment on our script, and thanks for all the wonderful things you said about my formatting. I hope I can answer some of the questions you had about the script above.

* The snorkel thing was a complete and utter mistake. To be honest, I don't really know how it slipped by me, but spelling isn't exactly my strong point. Although that is really no excuse because the misspelling of snorkel is kinda embarassing.

* Another typo on my  part about the oil tanker. He isn't holding an oil tanker, he is looking away in the distance and there is an oil tanker there. I thought people would be able to understand that on their own, but I was obviously wrong. I apologise.

* A sequel of sorts? This is a sequel. My friend and I wrote the first one about two years ago and it is located here somewhere, I think in the shorts section. It's called "Mr Smith Goes To Jail" if you're interested in checking it out. Personally I think it's a stronger entry in the series myself than this one. No we're not considering a Jimmy Stewart casting thing. Along with Rear Window, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington was his definative work. Don't worry, Jimmy Stewart is safe.

* Also, Mr. Smith was never supposed to be viewed as a likable character. That was done very specifically so that the reader would pretty much hate him one way or another. It gave us more freedom to have him experience things that are cruel and stupid that would not have worked as well if we had any compassion or sympathy for the character.


Thank you again for all of your comments and questions. They are very much appreciated and are not taken personally or as insults. We understand that you're only trying to help us make better scripts. Also, I do recommend reading the first installment, it is much funnier and has an identical format. It is also pretty much the same length. As for a third Smith adventure, Alex and I aren't really doing one, and if we are, it probably won't be for another two years yet. We have thought about it once or twice, even doing things like prequels, but nothing solid. I'm pretty sure nothing else will be happening. Sequels may be bad but 99% of the time, third installments are the worst (e.g. The Matrix Revolutions, Back to the Future III and Blade: Trinity)

Cheers, Chism.

Well, the fact that you did not respond "Jimmy who?" helps gives me confidence that your best work may still be ahead of you, Chism.

Good luck with future projects (even if they do include the addled Mr. Smith).

Well, thanks again. (HUGE Jimmy Stewart fan here).

Cheers, Chism.

i read it and i must say that i dont get the jokes, maybe i 'm too old or... i have not sanse of humore?  maybe because i read more horrors then comedis?  

formating was realy good i see not everybody cares about formating but you do and
it is good.

good luck.