Hey,

I liked this script a lot. It's dark, topical and pretty gruesome despite the little bit with the ear. I had a good read of that section of the script though I'm not sure how Tarantino's lawyer would react, but since its not totally the same and I don't think it's legal to copyright someone cutting off another guy's ear there was no harm done. On the other hand, I guess you can copyright anything since Roger Ebert copyrighted his thumbs. Oh well.

I disagree with a couple of the other comments about the opening scene. I think it establishes him as a creepy kinda guy. The fact that his family is right there, that he is a family man in the next scene makes it all the more disturbing because you establish that this fetish is something that is beyond his control, perhaps. I think someone had a gripe about it above, so there's my two cents.

Generally, I don't enjoy reads like this, where things that are very topical are covered. Like that movie about the JonBenet Ramsey killing with I wanna say Harvey Keitel, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't him. I can't remember the name of the actor, but I hated the movie because of its topical storyline. But this script I liked a lot, which doesn't necessarily mean it was fun to read. It wasn't because of the subject matter, which is disgusting. There is nothing wrong with the script and in the end I liked it, but I'm just saying this is not the easiest script to read.

If you're planning on doing a rewrite I would run with that. I would put more and more of that stuff in, that awkward kind of pushing the envelope in terms of how far you go with the pedophelia and Alex's eventual torture. Also, get rid of the thing with the kid. It doesn't make sense. Overall a dark, edgy read. Well done.


Cheers, Chism.

Hey thanks for the read Chism!  As always I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read one of my shorts and comment on it.  

I'm thinking of expanding this into a longer short (if that makes sense lol)

Maybe go more in depth with Alex and his "hobbies" as well as the people he runs across.

That sounds like a great idea. There is a lot of potential for a longer and overall creepier and more gruesome experience. Good luck with it.


Cheers, Chism.

Hey thanks for the read and review Pia I appreciate it!

You brought up some good points (The bag of goodies from the sex shop being one.)

As far as the title page goes....I have to admit...I am the most computer illiterate person on Earth.  Someone bought me Final Draft so I'd have a "hobby" and I still haven't figured out half of what it can or cannot do yet.    So the blame for my non titled pages are on my non understanding of computers.

Anyway glad you liked it and took the time to review it!

Brion

BTW - the story about the Swedish Dad?  Gross.  lol