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A Platonic Conversation About Chairs (currently 1903 views) |
Don |
Posted: January 14th, 2007, 3:46pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16458 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
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------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Steve-Dave |
Posted: January 14th, 2007, 5:41pm |
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LocationA galaxy far, far away... Posts320 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
This was amusing. I liked it, Something tells me this may have come out of real life though. Minor technical stuff and spoilers....................................................................... You should probably break up your lengthier description. They shouldn't be more than four lines long. Describe the gentlemen's ages and/or describe what they look like more, all we know is they're in college. put your description into action sentences. (Isaac lies on the couch instead of is lying on the couch, and he reads, rather than is reading, Sauce walks instead of is waling, etc.) It's quicker and moves faster and shortens things up. And you only need to capitolized the character's names when you first introduce them. And a spelling mistake pg 6 YEAR when it should be EAR. Sauce I think should bring the weed since it was his suggestion to get high, it only seems the polite thing to do would be for HIM to supply it. But other than that, it's a pretty cool little short. Gotta love stoner talk. Maybe they should smoke up a little bit before they start the conversation though. |
| "Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd" - George Carlin "I have to sign before you shoot me?" - Navin Johnson "It'll take time to restore chaos" - George W. Bush "Harry, I love you!" - Ben Affleck "What are you looking at, sugar t*ts?" - The man without a face "Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day must be put to death." - Exodus 31:15 "No one ever expects The Spanish Inquisition!" - The Spanish Inquisition "Matt Damon" - Matt Damon |
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Ike |
Posted: January 14th, 2007, 5:57pm |
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Thank you sryknows. Very good points. Yes it was very autobiographical, I had this conversation about 450 times with different people before I wrote it. I only added the weed after my professor read it and said he didn't understand why Sauce would show up at this dorm room. Thanks again for your review. |
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Seth |
Posted: January 14th, 2007, 11:38pm |
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LocationTwin Ciites Posts301 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
After having read the title and log line, I, having a kind of stoner's interest in philosophy, had little choice but to read this. It was interesting. It could, though, I think, be more interesting. What you have is a very straight forward discussion. One that doesn't, as these type of conversations usually do, meander into other issues - the nature of light, of quantum mechanics, anything. As it is, the "shattered bottle" scene reads like a rehash of the chair scene. In any case, I think it'd be more interesting if Sauce was more fluent in philosophy, if he could present more of a challenge to Issaac. Of course there are a million different ways you could expand this script, and I hope you do. Right now, you have a few scenes, not a story. That said, I hope you rework this. I love this kind of stuff.
Sauce I think should bring the weed since it was his suggestion to get high, it only seems the polite thing to do would be for HIM to supply it.
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I didn't know it, but, yes, it seems sryknows is our resident expert on stoner etiquette. God Bless him! Seth |
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Ike |
Posted: January 15th, 2007, 12:34am |
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Thanks, Seth. I did rewrite the first scene and put it in a longer script I wrote. I will post it once I get a copyright on it. I'm kind of paranoid, maybe it's all the drugs. |
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Seth |
Posted: January 15th, 2007, 1:54am |
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LocationTwin Ciites Posts301 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
Thanks, Seth. I did rewrite the first scene and put it in a longer script I wrote. I will post it once I get a copyright on it. I'm kind of paranoid, maybe it's all the drugs. |
Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're... I'm sure you know the rest, or at least Sryknows does! (I hope!) Seth |
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mcornetto |
Posted: January 15th, 2007, 2:38am |
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I thought it had it's amusing moments - but it came off more as a philosophy lecture rather than a stoned conversation.
pg 1 Write actively. Not Sauce is standing. Sauce stands. pg 7 year should be ear. |
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Steve-Dave |
Posted: January 15th, 2007, 3:27am |
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LocationA galaxy far, far away... Posts320 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
I didn't know it, but, yes, it seems sryknows is our resident expert on stoner etiquette. |
Hey! I...I, uhhh....hmmm....yeah, I don't have a comeback. It just seemed to me like he's imposing upon Isaac's stash. Unless he just IS, in fact, a scavenger smoker. |
| "Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd" - George Carlin "I have to sign before you shoot me?" - Navin Johnson "It'll take time to restore chaos" - George W. Bush "Harry, I love you!" - Ben Affleck "What are you looking at, sugar t*ts?" - The man without a face "Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day must be put to death." - Exodus 31:15 "No one ever expects The Spanish Inquisition!" - The Spanish Inquisition "Matt Damon" - Matt Damon |
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patrickjasonrodriguez |
Posted: January 15th, 2007, 11:15am |
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New Tartar sauce!
LocationBikini Bottom Posts27 Posts Per Day 0.00 |
>I will post it once I get a copyright on it. I'm kind of paranoid, maybe it's all the drugs.
The fact that you've written a script is, by law, enough of a copyright. A symbol or registering work via the WGA doesn't hold much weight. But do look into this. |
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dogglebe |
Posted: January 15th, 2007, 11:38am |
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Guest User
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The fact that you've written a script is, by law, enough of a copyright. A symbol or registering work via the WGA doesn't hold much weight. But do look into this. |
The fact that you wrote a script, in itself, doesn't carry any weight when it comes to copyright. If you have to go to court over it, having the words 'copyright 2006 by' means nothing. I could easily take your script and put 'copyright 2001 by Phil.' WGA holds a copy of your script for five years. It's dated by when they receive which is proof that you had a copy of it at the time. It's not proof that you wrote it. I prefer going straight to the copyright office. It costs a little more but it last until seventy-five years after your death. Much like what I said about WGA, it's not proof that you actually wrote it, but proof that you had it at a certain point. Phil |
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Ike |
Posted: January 15th, 2007, 1:44pm |
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Thank you for the information, guys. My friends mom does copyrights, so I'm asking her for some pro bono work. Thanks again for your help. |
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Alex J. Cooper |
Posted: January 16th, 2007, 6:16am |
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LocationAustralia Posts316 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
Entertaining short. I did kind of expect more, but was still happy with what you wrote. The title is also very noticible. It's all in the title. |
| Shorts: I Named Him Thor Footloose, Cut Loose Tainted Milk Marshmallows Confucius & The Quest For Nessie Wondrous Presentation |
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TheBigFish |
Posted: January 16th, 2007, 9:04am |
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LocationDublin Posts12 Posts Per Day 0.00 |
I loved this short. I've had many conversations like this with my mates. It was funny and posed a excellent point aswell.
Some of the best conversations are stoner conversations.
Excellent read.
Owen.
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| Are we cool - Yeah were cool! |
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Reply: 12 - 18 |
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Parker |
Posted: January 16th, 2007, 6:01pm |
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New Yes
LocationEngland Posts278 Posts Per Day 0.04 |
This was a cool read. Thought it had its funny moments. It started to dive a little too deep into the bottle of beer and I began to loose concentration (I lose it quite easily sometimes) but the dialogue was pretty good between the two characters I couldn't stop. Ending was pretty good and I can see this happening a lot in real life so good job. |
| I may be an idiot, but I'm no idiot. |
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Reply: 13 - 18 |
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patrickjasonrodriguez |
Posted: January 16th, 2007, 8:50pm |
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New Tartar sauce!
LocationBikini Bottom Posts27 Posts Per Day 0.00 |
I could picture this scene thrown into a National Lampoon movie, just for comic relief. Not that National Lampoon movies are very deep, but you know what I mean. Anyway, I quite enjoyed it. |
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Alfred Hitchcock |
Posted: January 19th, 2007, 5:49am |
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New Drama is life with the dull bits left out.
LocationNorway Posts208 Posts Per Day 0.03 |
I won't bother you with tecknical details. I had one initial reaction after i read this one. "Fy faen så bra!" translated: "fuck, how good!" This was comedy on Kevin Smith level! Honestly! This is the kind of writin I really really enjoy! I'm sitting her in reccess reading this and Line walked in. So I ask her the same thing cos I liked it so much! And she replied pretty much identically to what you wrote! She walked out laughing and puzzled when i got to "you're not leaving any room for the designers intent." very good man! fucking great! keep writing! I think I wanna try this out on my pal Frank too. He's sitting right over there |
| When things go wrong I seem to be bad But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood |
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Alfred Hitchcock |
Posted: January 19th, 2007, 5:56am |
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New Drama is life with the dull bits left out.
LocationNorway Posts208 Posts Per Day 0.03 |
Frank caved when I got to the "picking up the label" part. LOL I loved this story! Keep writing 100%! |
| When things go wrong I seem to be bad But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood |
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Reply: 16 - 18 |
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Ike |
Posted: January 27th, 2007, 5:57pm |
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Posts45 Posts Per Day 0.01 |
Thank you all for your posts. They were all helpful, and I slready made the changes some of you suggested. Is there a way to post a new version of an old sript?
-RH |
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Reply: 17 - 18 |
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Alfred Hitchcock |
Posted: January 27th, 2007, 5:58pm |
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New Drama is life with the dull bits left out.
LocationNorway Posts208 Posts Per Day 0.03 |
Yes there is.
Go to the same place where you submit a script and fill in al the same things but in addition to that you write in the comments and questions box that it's a re-submission of a script already on the site. |
| When things go wrong I seem to be bad But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood |
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