Hi Toran...

Thoughts.

1. In one of your first descriptions you can lose the word SUDDENLY.

2. You have two words placed together, no space.

3. There are no page numbers and on about page 4 you type THERE and it should be THEIR.

4. In this piece of dialogue, "Amanda looks back, Deuce's Hummer is getting closer and closer each second." you might tighten it up.  Lose one of the closers and the each second at the end.

Maybe like this: "Amanda steals a look behind her. The Hummer speeds closer. Fear paints her face."

The story seemed by unoriginal. Smacked of SAW and VACANCY. Still, for the most part a decent display of writing.

Tighten it up. Make it more original and turn it into a feature length and LIONSGATE might just buy this slasher film.

Spencer

I think Toran himself knows this is just a rough draft - the next one will be better and the one after that better still.

It's not a classic short, and its not brilliant. But keep plugging at it.

If you are going to make it a feature - I like the envirnment you have so many possiblilites so dont lose these - the woods, forests, mountains, canyons even. Anything.
Deuce is a charactet straight out of any horror flick you want to choose but you can make him anything you want. Maybe he is just one of a pact? Maybe there is a whole group out there that kill these stragglers?

I liked it, as I said, it was a ten page script and for that Im not asking for too much anyway.

Its not original but I think you have good intentions. I think you will deliver on the next draft.

All the best

"Hunter has no soul..."

That's you biggest problem here, Toran.

It seems like you watched Wolf-Creek and (with WC still in mind) you quickly through this together.

It's decently written... but I'd lose the camera angles. Also lose Deuce's POV shot.

The only thing I hated more than the characters was their dialogue. It was truly horrible! When the dude passing by said something like "And that's why you're carrying that axe?" I chuckled. It was terrible!

The characters had no depth. They were quite simply meat for the grinder.

Some decent gore. I enjoyed Marks death.

The end was bad. You can't just tell us that the skinned skull is Ryans. That wouldn't work on film. Just have it be his decapitated head.

Overall, I really didn't like it. I love horror. I even like cheesy horror. This just didn't have a soul, and that made it boring.

Better luck in the future.

~Zack~