Hey Michel,

Thought this was an interesting concept and I enjoyed the read.  

You do exceptionally well with English but sometimes your phrasing, especially in dialogue, is a bit clumsy.  I can tell this is a translation thing because if I imagine it in French it is quite fluid.

I think you mean epitaph rather than eulogy to describe the words on a headstone.

I also wondered what happened to the grave diggers.

My biggest question is why are the dead rising?  I think this should be connected to Thomas in some way. Perhaps he wishes it into being.  

Thnks mcornetto for your comments

Quoted from mcornetto I think you mean epitaph rather than eulogy to describe the words on a headstone.

In fact I corrected it on the new draft now available.

Quoted from mcornetto My biggest question is why are the dead rising?  I think this should be connected to Thomas in some way. Perhaps he wishes it into being.

You have two solutions available:
- the dead are rising because one living in among us during that night and they want to show him the truth about themselves.
- all this happens in Thomas's head as he was trying before to hide to himself the truth about Chandra's cheating

Or there's no reason???


Michel

I uploaded a rewrite some times ago.

In the same vein than Seven Deadly Sins "The Portrait".

Michel

Uau, amazing. Great concept, great story.

Quoted from FDiogo Uau, amazing. Great concept, great story.

Thank you FDiogo. Glad you liked it.

I tried to take into consideration every reviews made before. I have to admit it works better that way.

Michel

Hey Michel, cool dog

Now onto the script. I liked this one. Really didn't know where it was going... And I was pleasantly surprised with the path this one took. At first I thought you were going down the cliched, sentimental road. I liked the u-turn this one took.

The writing was very good, considering English isn't your first language. However, one bit of writing which stood out as sounding a bit odd was: "I won’t tell you about our story. No. Love always has the same."

I think it would sound a bit better as: "I won’t tell you about our story. No. Love always has the same outcome." In your version, something is missing at the end of the sentence...

Also, I didn't like that Thomas doesn't know how Chandra died... I think it would be better if he said: "And then, she died. How? (a beat) Hit and run. She was run over and the driver didn't even bother to stop." Personally, I believe this would make the end (when Thomas learns what she was doing when she was killed) more satisfying.

But yeah, overall I liked this one. Nice work Michel

Toby.

Hi Toby
Thank you for your review. I do like this one too. I like to lead the reader to another direction than the one he thinks he's going.

Quoted from Toby_E I didn't like that Thomas doesn't know how Chandra died...

Thomas DOES know how Chandra has died, but he is in complete deny. He doesn't want to remember. It happens all the time when you loose someone you love.

In fact, maybe he does know what it had really happened... How she really died and why. But he's been blinded by his love for her. Who knows?... Always keep a part of mystery. I like when the reader still wonder about the story when he's finished.

Michel

Michel J. Duthin
1961 - 2012
PROLIFIC SCREENWRITER, WRITES EVERYDAY
WRITES FROM THE HEART, DOESN'T CARE FOR THE PAY
AND ONE DAY, HE'LL BE ABLE TO KEEP THE CRITICS AWAY

*SCRATCHED OVER*

MY LORD THIS IS A FANASTIC PLAY
SADLY, IT'S UTTERLY GAY

charming man

What is this all about? Did someone die?

E.D.

Quoted from Electric Dreamer What is this all about?

Charming Man
Thinks he is witty
But as a reviewer
Kind of shitty

Quoted from bert Charming Man Thinks he is witty But as a reviewer Kind of shitty

Ahhh, thanks for the heads up, pal.
I keep a bag of dicks in the spare fridge for such occasions.

E.D.