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Wisenheimer by Mike Shelton - Short - Just when you thought you knew everything there was to know about sex, the internet reaches a new low. - pdf, format
Well, I can't say that there was a big surprise at the end since I knew where this was heading.
Well written as usual. I'm not going to say anything else, because I don't want to ruin it for anyone. Can't wait for people to read and start asking what is that 2g/1c thing is. You might as well introduce them to 1g/1c while you're at it. Ouch!
Actually Mike, I think you could make this better by having Sean show his dad something pretty hard core and then the dad deciding to trump Sean by showing the 2g/1c vid. Would offer a bit of a twist.
This script is essentially the result of someone asking my to write a comedic short with an older gentleman as a lead character and a dorm room as the location. As those things usually go, I have no idea if it will ever get made, but I have another script to add to my long list of titles.
You use 'we' a few times. I thought this was a no no?
Depends on who you talk to, and since you're talking to me, I'll say that it's okay to use in moderation. Given that I didn't want certain things to be shown right away, I think my reasoning is valid for using it here.
The twist idea makes sense, Pia. It would just take a little bit of revising in the hallway and what not. I'd probably trump 2g/1c with 1g/1j though. It's one of the worst things I've ever seen.
Gary,
Not a bad idea, but it adds a location to the mix, and that would require a whole DIFFERENT reaction.
Two guys are sitting at a bar, drinking. The first guy turns to the second guy and says, "I bet you I can be more disgusting than." "You're on," The second guy said.
The first guydowns a shot of whiskey, a shot of gin, a shot of vodka and a shot of tequila. He then eats all the cherries, and slices of lemons and limes at the bar. He does ten jumping jacks and immediately throws up, spraying the bar with vomit.
"Let's see you top that!" he tels his friend.
"Easy," the second guy says as he licks the bar clean.
I'm not sure what else to say about this short, Mike. It was extremely brief and extremely to the point. There wasn't much in character development or plot. It was like the idea flashed in your head and you wrote it down.
Ha ha Mike, that was pretty funny. I wonder how long till this one gets produced . I was wondering how long it was going to be till a 2g1c script was gonna pop up. Anyways it was pretty funny.
It was extremely brief and extremely to the point.
Isn't that kind of the idea with shorts of this nature though? To be as concise as possible?
Quoted from dogglebe
There wasn't much in character development or plot.
Plot? No. More like situation, although the case could be made that both characters have an arc, changing from student to teacher and vice versa. I think in four pages, you get a clear vision of who these peopel are and what they do/want to do.
Quoted from dogglebe
It was like the idea flashed in your head and you wrote it down.
This was written that way. As I said, I had gotten an email looking for something comedic, with an older actor and a dorm room as a location, and this is the result. I do think that statement could be said about any short I have on this board, though, and probably a vast majority of my features. I just write with a "flow" method.
Quoted from dogglebe
Wish I could be more helpful....
It was. You gave me your vote that you liked Pia's idea, as I did. It's something that coudl easily be implemented, but I'll cross that bridge if and when necessary. [/quote]
Quoted from The boy who could fly
Ha ha Mike, that was pretty funny. I wonder how long till this one gets produced . I was wondering how long it was going to be till a 2g1c script was gonna pop up. Anyways it was pretty funny.
Thanks, Jordan. Glad you found it funny. As far as production, who knows? Not sure what's going on with the person I submitted this to (everything takes forever), but as always, it's here and available.
Read the script last night, and enjoyed it. Just read it for a second time, and it still entertained, and amused me. It was well-written, and well executed. Dialogue flowed well, and descriptions were concised and crisp. Really not much I could see to improve, so congrats. I liked the way you set up the watching of 2g1c. It could have been set up in a corny way, but you executed it well.
I would have liked to see the script expanded a bit... Maybe only by a page or 2, as at the moment (to me) it seems like a short joke, as opposed to a short script, with jokes in it. I like GM's idea of adding a scene at the end with Kenneth and his wife. I feel this would work well, but I understand your hesitation to add it (due to location restrictions).
But yeah, I enjoyed the script. It made me laugh, and was entertaining. I enjoyed the script a lot more than the video the script is about... 2g1c is the only thing I have ever seen which made me gag so much I had to look away, with fear that I was going to vomit. I didn't enjoy the video at all!!
Ha ha! This was pretty funny Mike. I remember the first(and only) time I saw the video.... My reaction was pretty similar.
I do think this can fleshed out a few pages though. Maybe with the plastic bag on the bed. Is beer all that is in it? You could easily add a few more things that would give the scene a more awkward feel. Maybe his dad pulls out some lube and condoms. Maybe a blow up doll for practice. You can do a lot with this.
As it is it's fine. Short and to the point. Good job Mike.
Thanks for the look. I've given some thought to an expansion, at least for my own personal files, that would deal with dad ultimately trumping Sean as shown above. The emergence of "1 Guy, 1 Jar" makes it quite simple. My only fear is that people would not have heard of it, be forced to look it up, and ultimately blame me for subjecting them to it...haha. It's quite horrible.
Zack,
The additional items in the bag make sense. Thanks for that.
The emergence of "1 Guy, 1 Jar" makes it quite simple. My only fear is that people would not have heard of it, be forced to look it up, and ultimately blame me for subjecting them to it...haha. It's quite horrible.
I'd seen this little ditty about two weeks ago. WTF is wrong with people.
Try incorporating it into the ending. Maybe Dad did it....
I haven't seen the vid, and after my stomach's reaction to 2g1c, I don't plan to. But I like Phil's idea of maybe having the Dad as the 'author' of such video. Would work very nicely.
So yeah, I think you need a twisty ending to raise it about just being a glorified reaction vid. For instance, Stewie instantly wants to search for 2 guys/1c. I really like the idea of the Dad getting one over Sean somehow. That'd learn him.
Still, like all reaction videos, it was pretty funny!
It's the equivalent of that joke you posted last night. Random shock, but not really in tune with my sense of humor.
JonnyBoy,
It is something like a reaction video, just a little more played otu version with the setup and what not.
I'll most likely edit it into the parameters discussed before, except without Phil's suggestion having another man drop his pants. Cause that's just weird.
It was easy as could be to produce and it was amusing. I would not be surprised if it get picked up quick. Is this another test?
Phil,
You are a naughty boy. I didn't watch the video you posted and I don't have a problem with you posting it but you should really put a disclaimer on there if it has nudity, sex, or god knows what else. There are underage people who frequent this site.
Thanks for reading, but no, this actually wasn't a test, although I could see why you'd think so..haha. This was written by request, but I'm not sure what's up with it so I just decided to post it here.
This was a nice, simple, entertaining read. Its refreshing to see an experienced writer like you mention the dreaded "we" & "camera", screw with the conventions a little bit is what I say.
KENNETH Oh, I’m sorry. Did I jock block you while you were trying to get your curve on?
SEAN First off, it’s swerve, and second, it’s not jock blocking it’s...never mind that one, but yes. Yes you did.
Funny exchange.
The father tossing him a beer in a lame attempt to get on is level was a nice touch.
SEAN Remember, there are things that just can’t be unseen.
Another good line.
Wasn't too fond of the "You're a legend" line. It seemed a little to complimentary...if thats makes sense (Saying that to someone where I'm from in that flat a manner would come off as being sarcastic, its too gushy.
Iv'e seen a version of that video too, interesting to say the least.
This might have met the requirements, but it is not your strongest work, Mike.
Those that do not get the joke will find little here that is funny, and those that do get the joke -- well, they have already seen things that are funnier, if that makes sense.
I am not really sure what is missing here -- though I am pretty sure it is not a guy with a jar up his butt -- but you surely have not milked this for all its worth.
Whatever approach you take, I encourage you to lose this stretch of dialogue:
"What are they doing!?!?!? They’re eating it! And now they’re puking! And they’re eating that too!"
In 1,000+ "reaction" videos, have you ever heard anybody say that? Ever? It is just too on the nose.
Which gets me to thinking -- maybe you should pore over some of these reaction videos -- and look for what might just be your missing link here.
Thanks for looking. Glad you liked some of the exchanges.
The "You're a legend" line may just be a cultural thing. Here, it wouldn't be seen as out line or sarcastic.
Bert,
Trust me, I'm well aware that this isn't my strongest work. Despite statements to the contrary, the subject matter just doesnt' allow it. At its essence, it's too generic.
I do agree that the stretch of dialogue is a little on the nose, but since it's spoken O.S., I wanted to go a little further with it than you usual "Ugh! Oh! Oh My God! That's disgusting!". Also, if I can keep one person who hasn't seen the video from watching it via the use of expository dialogue, I'm guaranteed a spot in Heaven.
This was pretty funny. I've read some of your stuff before when I used to visit this site more frequently. I think I even reviewed one of your feature-length scripts about kids pretending to be superheroes, or something of that nature. My username used to be marshallamps12. Well, either way, I always remembered you as a good writer, and I see nothing has changed. Very to the point and easy to read. Good stuff.
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. I was wondering how long it was going to be till a 2g1c script was gonna pop up. Anyways it was pretty funny.
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