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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Last Call - A Babz WOL script Moderators: bert
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  Author    Last Call - A Babz WOL script  (currently 1964 views)
Posted: August 30th, 2010, 8:38pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Last Call by Robert Chipman (tailbest) - Short, Horror - A drunken bar patron discovers a bartender's favorite song. 5 pages A WOL Script - pdf, format

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Don  -  August 30th, 2010, 11:28pm
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Posted: August 30th, 2010, 9:18pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients

Yes, that is my real hair...

Cave Creek, AZ
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And another WOL script...damn, they keep coming.

All in all, not bad, and a decent, rather unique take on the theme, so props for that.

The writing doesn't do it for me, though, sorry to say.  Don't like how you didn't take the time to name the couple - really no excuse for that, IMO.  Just came off rather bland, and it shouldn't have been, based on what went down.

Not bad though, bro.  Not bad at all!

To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Posted: August 30th, 2010, 11:22pm Report to Moderator
Been Around

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Tailbeast,  Every one had an interesting take on this challenge, Some clever parts here "Jim Mayfair" and "Lonnie Chan" and some not so clever such as "rain from the outside" Your style for this one used a lot of sentence fragments. Just saying.

Good effort.

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Posted: September 1st, 2010, 3:14pm Report to Moderator

Christ, I can't find it.
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Thank you for taking the time to check this out.

I tried to make the story focus on one comedic aspect at the end. I'm not sure if I fully succeeded in that, but it was something I wanted to try.

In regards to not naming the man and woman in the bar, I figured that they were almost inconsequential to the story and didn't relegate a name. I usually do name every character, but this time I decided against it. For the sake of continuity, I probably will stick with naming each character in a story. Thank you for mentioning that.

In terms of the writing, I am still trying to develop my specific writing style. I have been using fragments to try and keep the action lines short. I will gladly continue to take any advice offered to try and make my script writing better.

Again, thanks for checking it out.

"Why don't we just...wait here for a little while...see what happens?"


2 versions of my short script: "Writer's Block"? Why not.

Version 1:

Version 2:

My lame webpage:
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