All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
The Servant by Darren J Seeley - Short, Horror - Hired to watch over her in the day while she sleeps. Stays up at night while she brings home dinner. Hunts those who want to put a stake through her heart. It's his job, and he's a professional Servant to a vampire. 20 pages - pdf, format
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
Posted: December 27th, 2010, 10:52pm
I liked this one, Darren, but I had some problems with it. I got the impression that this was a first or second draft. There were typos and a lot of awkward wording which I found distracting.
The story, itself, dragged. You could tighten this up into a nice twelve or fifteen page script. The big fight scene, I thought, went on way too long. You can easily cut that in half.
Your main characters were interesting, though you could've done more with them. I don't know if I missed it or if you chose not to include it, but I don't know who or what Shawshane is. Everything else seemed simple enough.
The concept of a professional 'servant' is a good one. It makes a lot of sense in a vampire world; beats the hell out of having a groupie watch over them.
While I said, earlier, that you should cut this down, the idea could be adapted into a feature length script. THe concept is good enough.