I liked this one, Darren, but I had some problems with it. I got the impression that this was a first or second draft. There were typos and a lot of awkward wording which I found distracting.
The story, itself, dragged. You could tighten this up into a nice twelve or fifteen page script. The big fight scene, I thought, went on way too long. You can easily cut that in half.
Your main characters were interesting, though you could've done more with them. I don't know if I missed it or if you chose not to include it, but I don't know who or what Shawshane is. Everything else seemed simple enough.
The concept of a professional 'servant' is a good one. It makes a lot of sense in a vampire world; beats the hell out of having a groupie watch over them.
While I said, earlier, that you should cut this down, the idea could be adapted into a feature length script. THe concept is good enough.