I know this is nit-picky, but have you considered dropping the "Yeah" and calling it "I am Superman"?  Seems to roll of the tongue better.

Very early on, with the mirror pep talk, it reminded me of Kevin Spacey in the recent 'Casino Jack'. Agree with AP that this bears a resemblance to 'Kick Ass', which perhaps sat with me too much while reading it. It's a much more complete story than your other recent script.

Dialogue, pacing and Paul's character were all well handled and I think you wrote a good short here. Did I read you are expanding this, or maybe I am imagining it, but you would need to be careful to share too much ground with 'Kick Ass' if you do. Paul could be quite interesting, especially when you factor in his psychotic tendencies.

Would be interested to hear your views on my 'EMD' when it's posted shortly, if you fancy it.

I'll probably change the title given the change of character. In it, he's on his way to a convention to show off an original comic to the guy he adores. Naturally, his comic is terribly written, poorly drawn, and horrifies his idol who reads it.

I want the tone to be alot darker then Kick-Ass. Whereas Kick-Ass was about an ill-advised comic book reader who decides to fight crime as a superhero. This is more about a loner who takes out his anger on society by bringing his own creation to life. Everyone from muggers to jaywalkers are subject to his outburst. It's alot blacker and ha has more in common with Travis Bickle then Dave Lizewski.

I liked this story.

I did feel however Paul kinda reminded me of the fat retarded man in something about Mary.

Have yo seen my baseball?

The scene where robbery occured got a little confusing for me mainly because of the way Jackson was introduced. Perhaps a little expanson on him other than just JACKSON (20) or whatever his age was. I thought he was an employee or something.

Maybe build him up a little. Have him looming around a bit to give the feeling he is up to no good.

All in all though, I thought it was a good story. Good job.

Shawn.....><

*Spoilers*

Hey Chrys (if that is your real name) -

Actually liked the ending on this better than the body of the script itself.  Descriptions were a bit sparse, as were the scene headings.  The writing needed a little more...color, for lack of a better word.  (For instance, you write that the posters are posted all over the walls.)  Mix it up a bit, say something like "posters cover the walls, taking up every bare inch of space.) That sort of thing.  

Another example: both of the insults thrown at the guy are "faggot" - said by two separate people.  Two different insults would work better. Maybe dork, psycho, etc.  

Also, kind of found it hard to believe that the cops rushing to the scene didn't detain a guy wearing a bloody Superman uniform.

But I *did* like the fact that he got a bit of his own back at the end...warped though it was.

Interesting work. I liked it. Hope you'll do more in this vein.

Hey Chris,

Yeah, if you drop the first 'faggot' insult, it'll make the second faggot insult a little funnier and more shocking.

Once again, typos kind of get in the way of the reading.  They're not usually that big of a deal, but they were a little too sparse for comfort.

Overall, I did like it, though.  I love underdog stories and this was definately one of them.  (Not Underdog, the superhero, though.  I mean just an underdog in general.)

Initially, when the police came, I thought you were going to have them arrest Paul Paulson to make it ironic that, eventhough he thinks he's a superhero, he still gets in trouble.  Because technically, as soon as Jackson dropped the gun, that's when Paul starts his initial battery on Jackson, which, at that point, becomes assault.  (You're aloud to defend yourself.  But you're not aloud to defend yourself too much.)

Still pretty good, though.  I imagined Paul Giamatti in the role of Paul, even though Giamatti's much older.  It might have had to do with the whole 'American Splendor' thing, though.

I think you definately have a story to work with here.

- Mark

Hi - interesting read - like some of the postings on here, I was quite happy with the build up, but not too sure of the beating. Initially the guy appears to lack confidence (mirror scene), and does not retaliate at the insults and looks aimed his way. There is no real explanation of his change, and I think it would look better if you built up some anger earlier as he was being mocked on his way to the store.

The Rachael bit hangs nowwhere, it would be possible to put her in the store as an extra dynamic.

If it is just a story of someone mentally unhinged, who likes dressing up, then beats someone to a pulp, it needs a little more than this, to my mind.

A well written piece aside from a few typos. The story kept me interested, although not quite my thing. I didn't care for the excessive beating, but that's me. I see where you were going.

The interaction with Rachel could have been better developed. The voiceovers were good but, as mentioned by others, went on too long for me.

Overall, a nice story that could be sharpened up a bit.

Hello, Can I use this script for my senior project?

Quoted from MatthewWicz Hello, Can I use this script for my senior project?

You may want to try to contact the writer through is contact list on his profile.

He hasn't logged on here since August 2019.

Yep, what Jordan said.

Matthew, contact Don (Admin).

https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?v-memberpanel/a-view/u-admin/

webmaster@simplyscripts.com

I can't see any email details on the script or on the Member's List.
You do need express permission from the author.

Don is your best bet to get in touch with the Writer.