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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Sundae Best Moderators: bert
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chelsea
Posted: March 31st, 2011, 7:56am Report to Moderator
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Hey Mark.

Thank you so much for the read and suggestion.

Where the hell were you when I was writing this?

Seriously though, yeah the opening could read better and I like the idea of Mavis giving the kid her ice cream. (I repeat...where were you...?)

Thanks for giving me A fresh view.

Best.

Martin.


My Scripts:

Hail The Cabbie. Appx. 9 pages A taxi ride to the absolute terminus.

Pink is the New Black.10 pages. Homophobes beware!

The Bullet Train. 5 pages. Economy equals retribution.

Pillow Talk. 4 pages. It's hard to bear sometimes.

The perfect Ending. 8 pages. Amy's present is her past.



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jnave
Posted: April 6th, 2011, 9:24pm Report to Moderator
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For one page, you get a lot in there. Feels like a commercial of some sort, but that's probably due to the length.

Didn't get me excited, but it was cute. Not an easy exercise to do.

Good job and good luck!


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chelsea
Posted: April 7th, 2011, 6:28am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the read and your positive comments.

If it does anything I'll let you know.

Best.

Martin.


My Scripts:

Hail The Cabbie. Appx. 9 pages A taxi ride to the absolute terminus.

Pink is the New Black.10 pages. Homophobes beware!

The Bullet Train. 5 pages. Economy equals retribution.

Pillow Talk. 4 pages. It's hard to bear sometimes.

The perfect Ending. 8 pages. Amy's present is her past.



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Branzig Rubenburg
Posted: August 18th, 2011, 1:13pm Report to Moderator
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The story seems promising, but it's hard for me to say any more than that.  It would've been great if this was longer.  The kid has a lot of potential to be a good main character.  Keep up the good work!
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