Thanks Col, appreciate the feedback.
Some kind of connection between Abigail and Brook/Joe would be a good idea but I'd have to make it subtle rather than something forced.
I juggled with the idea of Abigail being Joe's daughter and Joe actually manipulating Brook later on into making her a target (his work is more important than family) - good in the respect that it mirrors what Brook lost but a bit too on the nose.
Also, would have needed some more pages to make work.
Thanks again, I'll check out one of yours from your signature when I get the time.
Daz

No worries, its always a pleasure to give feedback on a script you enjoyed reading.

Thanks for the offer of returning the favour. I'll be posting a script in the coming days so if you want keep an eye out for it but don't feel obligated.

Col.

I was really into this.  Flew right through it.  I especially loved the dialog.  Really, really good in some parts.

I think Joe was a good villain.  Very creepy.  We didn't get details on who he killed but we get the idea.  A serial Killer Vigilante.  

My two issues were:  Brooks turing into the messenger.  Was that some kind of supernatural switch when they fell to the floor in the hospital?  If so, I missed it. I think Brook's switch from a good guy detective to a killer needs to be more clear.  Also, I didn't hate Joe even though he was a killer because he killed people who did horrible things.  Now I'm not condoning adultery but to me that isn't a serial killer worthy crime.  And what made him seek her out?  Just felt random.  You have something that was mentioned that may help show Brook's motivation.  His daughter was killed by a drunk driver.  I'd buy him killing for that type of crime more than adultery.  Just a thought.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this.  It was a great read.  Nice work!!

Darren,

I read this all the way through, then went to the comments, so I was able to get a lot of your intentions with the story and what not.  First off, I'm a huge, and I mean HUGE fan...  of naked women.  So thanks for giving us that.  

As i read through this the thoughts that went through my head were this: Silence of the Lambs had intercourse with Fraility and named their baby The Messenger.  Both of those films are top notch, few would argue that, so I really see no problems from an inspiration standpoint.  

Understanding this is a first draft, and that you are perhaps considering extending this to a feature - talk about work cut out for you - I would have to say the dialogue needs to be VERY thoroughly thought through - try that in a sentence sometime.  I read this like you just top of the headed it, maybe backspacing here and there, but really it just kind of flowed out.  

Bottom line for me is this.  I loved the ending and the twist its comprised of.  Truly.  I'm sure its not the first time someone has attempted it, but if you really focus on developing these characters, spend AMPLE time structuring the dialogue to a point so sharp its cuts the eye when reading it, then I think you can move some numbers with it.  

Overall, 5 out of 10 with the potential to be a 14.  Low five!