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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Preposterous Moderators: bert
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  Author    Preposterous  (currently 4725 views)
Don
Posted: July 21st, 2012, 5:32pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Preposterous by Anthony Hudson (alffy) - Short, Sci Fi - Prometheus Spoof.  A team of clueless explorers think they've discovered the origins of man and so travel on the ship 'Preposterous' to see if they're right. 28 quick pages - pdf, format


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bert
Posted: July 21st, 2012, 9:07pm Report to Moderator
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No comments on this one, Alffy, 'cause what is the point, really?

Just checking in to let you know it was read and enjoyed.

What I really like sometimes is when you Brits let fly with the slang.  Not so much in movies -- where I cannot understand you half the time -- but in writing I do love the sound of it.

"You were scared of bugger all a few hours ago."

I do not even know what that means, really, and it still cracked me up. Same goes for, "Cobblers."

A fine homage.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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leitskev
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 8:12am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Pretty clever. Pretty much hits on all the silly points of the film. Actually, you solved one thing I had not understood when I watched. The scene where the alien ghosts appear. I didn't realize that was just some security recording that David managed to turn on. And yes, it would be kind of silly that it doesn't show who they are running from.

I don't think this movie will ingrain itself into the culture enough to justify someone filming a parody, but as a script, it's funny and serves as a great writing sample. If I worked for SNL I'd see this and give you a job!
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Mr.Ripley
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 8:46am Report to Moderator
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Hey alffy,

Having not watched the movie, I went into this with fresh eyes.

I can sense your frustration at this movie. lol.

One nitpick.

Fifield. You desrcribe him as forgettable. Do you mean he's a forgettable character for the audience or that he forgets? I think you mean the first one, but he's in some scenes. How about having the other cast members forget about him until he shows up? lol.  

Other than that, this was truly a funny piece from beginning to end. I love the end! Cracks me up every time I think about it. I don't know what it is though. It's just fucking hilarious. lol.  

Good job.
Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/

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Mr.Ripley  -  July 22nd, 2012, 9:40am
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alffy
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 10:21am Report to Moderator
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Bert, Kev and gabe, cheers for the read.

This was merely a way of releasing my frustration at a movie I thought sucked balls.  So basically I did this for 'shit's and giggles' (that's for you, Bert)

Bert, sorry you didn't get all the British slang but at least you still found it funny.  You're right that there's no real point commenting on the story, as it's not mine per say.  But at least it you enjoyed it.

Kev, I guess I pointed you in the direction of the 'stupid' security system scenes in the film lol.

Gabe, having not watched the movie it might be hard for you to pick up on some of the spoof scenes I included but I'm glad you found it funny.  The Fifield character was described as forgettable because I just didn't find him at all engaging.  He played no real part in the story despite being present for movie of the early part of the movie.  Anyway, glad you too found it enjoyable.

Thanks again for taking the time to read this.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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B.C.
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 2:33pm Report to Moderator
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Hey alffy, this was nicely written and hit all the rights beats. Was well paced (there's quite a few typos though, sorry I didn't note the pages but I'm sure another read through and you will pick them up).

I was one that really liked the movie. But reading this I can see why so many hated it. I need to watch it again, because I'm think there's a big possibility that I was so seduced by the gorgeous look of the film that all this type of thing was missed by my brain or forgiven. Or maybe I'm dumb! I dunno, I'm looking forward to watching it on home video again...maybe in a directors cut form to see if some of these things are tied up better.

I will say though, however silly the abortion scene, I still think it was a brilliant, visceral set piece. I guess I'm the type to want to see such things and let common sense go out the window.

On the other hand, you are right about that Flute think. Surgical inconsistencies are fine by me but Magical alien flutes are just plain silly.

Oh by the way -- I didn't like the very last thing in your script -- the alien speaking. Going a bit too far there, mate.


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Gage
Posted: July 22nd, 2012, 11:50pm Report to Moderator
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Hey alffy,

I loved the movie, but still enjoyed this.  I guess that's a sign of a good script.

Anyways, I guess there's not much to say.  The script is brief and concise, and really funny.

My favorite line was David's: "I'm sorry but I can't stop touching things."

Glad I'm not the only one who noticed EVERY SINGLE PLOT POINT in the movie was caused by David touching something.

Gage


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alffy
Posted: July 23rd, 2012, 1:58pm Report to Moderator
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Basket Case, cheers for the read.  I was sure the Prometheus fans wouldn't like this but hey, I guess I was wrong.

Damn my typo's, I always, always miss some typo's so I apologise for that.  The flute thing was the final straw for me, I actually laughed in the cinema.  And the Alien speaking at the end....well, I just had this image of Jack Nicholson saying 'here's Johnny!'

Gage, glad you enjoyed this.  I had serious reservations about posting this as I've never even considered writing a spoof until this but it seems to have got a decent reaction so far.  As for David; you noticed it too, glad someone else did.  he was causing havoc everywhere and everything he did was senseless!  I wonder who programmed him, perhaps he needed an software update or something lol.

Cheers for feedback, guys.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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CoopBazinga
Posted: July 25th, 2012, 2:35am Report to Moderator
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Hey Alffy,

I do love a good spoof and how I laughed at this one. Some cracking moments in here and the use of English slang really contributed to some fine one-liners.

Highlights would be Fifield questioning why they need a captain in stasis.

Shaw bringing out a sandwich bag for the alien head.

Milburns "I think I've misjudged the situation" line was great.

Shaw's "He was a jesse anyway" although I think you mean Jessie.

Weylands "I overslept"

The list could go on. Just some really funny stuff here but I've always liked spoofs so this was right up my alley. My only disappointment was that there was so much more you could have done but then it might have been a tad long for what it was.

There were quite a few typos scattered around but who cares, this wasn't about the writing, just laughs.

Great work, Alffy.

Bring on your next spoof...

Steve
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alffy
Posted: July 25th, 2012, 9:02am Report to Moderator
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Steve, cheers for the read and really glad you found it funny.

Damn my Jessie mistake!  Also the typos but I always have some.

I tried to keep it as short as possible as I thought any longer and it might not get many reads.  I had great fun writing this and it has to be the quickest script I've completed, although it does help when the stories already written! lol.

You got me thinking now that maybe I might have a stab at another spoof?  I was thinking of writing a comedy that was a kind of spoof but not based on any particular movie.  Maybe I should listen to requests for spoof material?

Anywho, cheers again and I'll say what I always say now....let me know if I can repay the read.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: July 25th, 2012, 3:00pm Report to Moderator
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Alffy,

First off i love the name. Inspired. Even if i have not seen the film, i get the message.

Now before i start reading i have a caveat. You have posted this script, so regardless of whether this is  a piss take it is still an example of your writing so should be critiqued in the same manner. After all this is Simply Scripts, home to the friendly beating!

As we go

P1/2 - if this is a piss (why is this bloody machine putting an * in piss?...go away  )  take script i think you missed the opportunity for a stupid conversation
Characters - no ages
"stasis pod" - i'm old, i know that, but what is this?
Dream sequence - that could be funny if well handled, i almost expected, "i miss her more"
VICKERS - beautiful - not a comment on your script but why aren't there more ugly people in scripts? they tend to be more interesting as well
WEYLAND - now we're talking, load of bollocks. So far i feel the other characters  would need to be pushed in terms of making their characters daft and extreme
Milburn - i like him, it is a him isn't it
Fifiled - now you have given an age!
P7 david - "sorry but i can't stop touching things" - liked that, the stupidity of it all
P8 storm? in space?
P11 - i've stopped

I'll try and go back but need to sort out kids i've been neglecting.

I get this feeling you were 'really annoyed" by this film. In doing so i'm not sure you've exploited all that could have been squeezed out of a script like this, yet, it has SOOOO many opportunities.

cheers

bill


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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alffy
Posted: July 26th, 2012, 10:00am Report to Moderator
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Cheers for reading, Bill and hope you get round to finishing it.

A stasis pod is somewhere that a person sleeps in, when in stasis.
I had more to the dream sequence but cut it out as I was trying to keep the page limit down.
Milburn is a he.
Fifield age given; I'll look at that.
Yes there was a storm on the planet in the movie.

Cheers thus far, Bill.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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Reef Dreamer
Posted: July 26th, 2012, 11:12am Report to Moderator
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Managed to quick read the rest, sorry no notes as on the go.

Is it really like that - heavens above that's awful. I can see your annoyance. I don't mind sci fi but oly when they set up the new world decently and then have a decent story within it.

Mummy alien, sex the night before etc - cobblers for sure.

In terms of your script I personally think you need to up the farce element to bring out the stupidity. I almost feel that if you are going to do a piss take then do a real big one, but that just me. I could see an "airplane" version of this.

I also found all the names/characters confusing. Maybe the lesson to learn there is  If you are condensing a film maybe using fewer characters helps. I'll remember that one.

All the best.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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alffy
Posted: July 29th, 2012, 4:51am Report to Moderator
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Cheers for finishing your read of this.

As far as upping the farce, I wanted to stick to the same plot and scenes as the movie.  I kept all the character actions pretty much the same too.  I did however change the dialogue to what I thought fitted better with their ridiculous behaviour.  I guess I could up the farce but it would have meant changing some characters.

Airplane is brilliant by the way.

Thanks, Bill.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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jwent6688
Posted: July 29th, 2012, 8:25am Report to Moderator
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Finally got around to reading this. Good show. You took this thing apart very well and even opened my eyes to some flaws in the logic of this story that I didn't realize whilst watching it myself.

I agree that calling the aliens engineers was baffling.

SHAW
Not to worry, he was a Jesse
anyway. - You'll have to explain that one to me, what's a Jesse??

Think you could've taken holloway's shits to a new extreme especially being trapped in a space suit. I know I would've.

Side-stepping the rolling space ship was classic. I was yelling at Vickers' dumb ass to do exactly that while I was watching this.

Nothing much to add. I enjoyed it. I kind of frowned when I saw the page length, Thought it was a tad long for a spoof, but I blew right through it. You did a good job condensing a two hour shit storm into 28 pages.

Hope Ridley gets his head out of his ass for his next project, he's still one of my fave directors but i fear he's gotten to the point where he thinks everything he shits out is gold.

Btw, I think the alien that busted out of the engineer at the end was a queen. I may be wrong about it, but it didn't look like the standard xeno we've all come to love in these films. Plus, when the original alien follows this up, the ship is loaded with pods already. Meant to ask a few it they saw it that way as well.

I enjoyed it...

James


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