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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  A Face in the Crowd Moderators: bert
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  Author    A Face in the Crowd  (currently 4134 views)
Dustin
Posted: September 1st, 2014, 5:21am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
Thanks to all for your feedback on Face in the Crowd.

I included much of it in a new draft... that has just been announced as taking 3rd Place in Reel Writers Screenwriting contest.

http://www.reelwriterscontest.com/winners.html

The help and support of the writers on SS is really appreciated.


Better than paying for a script reading service.

Well done, mate. Still awaiting that feature.


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MarkRenshaw
Posted: September 1st, 2014, 9:35am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from AnthonyCawood
Thanks to all for your feedback on Face in the Crowd.

I included much of it in a new draft... that has just been announced as taking 3rd Place in Reel Writers Screenwriting contest.

http://www.reelwriterscontest.com/winners.html

The help and support of the writers on SS is really appreciated.


Congratulations! And I second the WOOT!

One of my scripts featured on these boards (Undead Nightmare) got into the semi-final stage of Shriekfest recently and I was over the moon but I just found out it hasn't been selected for the finals. Still, it's lilttle boosts like that which keep me going.  

Well done for getting the recognition, deservedly so!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: September 1st, 2014, 2:59pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks all for your congrats and kind words, genuinely think that the SS feedback made this a better script and me, in general, a better writer!

Dustin - one of the appeals of this particular competition was the couple of rounds of script coverage it provided, got decent feedback and then placed for $$$s so came out ahead too. Feature - was actually working on the structure over the weekend, I reckon another week of tweaking the index cards and I'll be onto the writing... no idea how long that'll take,

Mark, thanks mate and totally agree... obviously I'd rather have someone option a script but the competitions provide a nice boost in the meantime. Good luc with you next submission.

Thanks

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: September 24th, 2014, 8:16pm Report to Moderator
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Hi All

Looks like I've sold this one, contracts should be done over next couple of days.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: September 25th, 2014, 7:22am Report to Moderator
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OMG! Well done pal!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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CoopBazinga
Posted: October 7th, 2014, 7:46am Report to Moderator
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This was a spooky little tale. It reminded me of an opening to the classic tv show X-files or the more recent Fringe. This event happens and then the team has to come in and investigate how an analyst just disappeared and ended up dead in a riot somewhere a few weeks ago.

I enjoyed moments of this one, the premise is pretty cool and could possibly make a decent sci-fi horror with peeps that can shall we say move through surveillance equipment. I think there may have even been a story like this on one of the above shows or possibly something like the Outer Limits.

On the other hand, I could have just missed the whole point to this one because I was left a little bemused by the end. At first, I thought the man was going to be Derin himself in some cool time travel concept but this gets thrown out the window by the end. Who is this Staring Man (be consistent with this name btw) and why does he trade places with Derin? That’s the problem with stories like this – they leave too many questions.

I guess this could be some weird take on the Big Brother society we live in nowadays with cameras all over the place. If that indeed was the case, I really wish that you’d concentrated on those damn traffic/speed cameras and given the police some comeuppance.

I do think this dragged for 8 pages, and could be condensed down for the same spooky vibe. Do we need to meet Jaedon, and know that he looks presentable? Do we need to know Derin’s shopping list, that he drinks coke (nice product placement) or even what he eats for breakfast?

There are some awkward lines and missing comma’s floating about, not to mention that you didn’t cap Derin on intro, but otherwise not much to complain about in terms of writing. One line had me confused though –

“In cubicles all around him sit Derin wannabes”

I understand it but find it a weird thing to say. Are you saying that Derin is that popular and good at his job, that all his workmates want to be him? Kinda like James Bond “Women want to be with him, men want to be him” If that is the case, then it now makes more sense to me why the Staring Man wants to take over his life.

A good spooky premise, even if the actual story and events were a little lost on me. I would see if you can turn this into a decent little horror – it has the makings of a good one if done right.

Best of luck with it.

Adding to my original post as I’ve just read through the comments – congrats on getting this one picked up.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 7th, 2014, 4:12pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the read and the comments Bazinga - really appreciated.

Re 'leaves too many questions' - good that worked then ... my intention was to leave it open ended and provoke the viewer to think through the short and its themes.

And it's those theme's of surveillance, Big Brother etc you've picked up on, though love the idea of getting back at speeding camera's!

I think in my current version (not the one uploaded) most of the typo's and stuff are fixed inc capitalising DERIN.

The Derin wannabe line... was more to imply that they are all the same, not specifically like Derin himself.

Many thanks

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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oJOHNNYoNUTSo
Posted: October 9th, 2014, 1:46pm Report to Moderator
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Anthony,

Congrats on placing! As for the writing, there's some passive structure that warrants punctuation for clarity. Also, there are some passages that should be combined for the shot. I know folks like as few lines as possible, but this is an instance where more lines would benefit the flow of reading.

What makes Derin more of a target than the rest of the litter? I visualize a bunch of morose desk jockeys doing the same routine everyday. Even when Derin is being stalked by this mystery, he seems to be locked in some sort of routine. His comfort zone. You should consider taking him out of it before the end - that way his fate is grounded in a fear that's defined.

I thought it was a cool premise, quick read even when it was hard to visualize sometimes.

Later,

Johnny

*and congrats for selling too! Great stuff!*
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: October 9th, 2014, 4:47pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Johnny and thanks for the read, appreciated.

Derin isn't meant to be anymore of a target than anyone else, he's just one of the many 'morose desk jockeys'... it's random like the random surveilance he undertakes, it's why his routine is established - it's all normal... excpet for Staring Man... well that was what I was going for

and thanks for the congrats, now for the waiting

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 20th, 2015, 2:49pm Report to Moderator
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Looks like this one is back on the 'Available to Produce' pile ;-(


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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RichardR
Posted: January 20th, 2015, 8:06pm Report to Moderator
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Anthony

All comments will self-destruct in....

Good job for a spooky tale.  A shift-changer works well in our current environment.  The ability to look through the connection to find derin is eerie and hard to understand. I'll buy it, though.

Perhaps giving the riot a theme would add something to the story.  It could be a riot about space exploration or some environmental issue. Otherwise it's difficult to guess why the man wants or needs to trade places.

Best
Richard
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 20th, 2015, 8:12pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for taking a look Richard... appreciated.

The man is looking back because Derin is looking in, it's an elemet of social commentary on the observation we are constantly under from Govt to CCTV on the roads... plus it's nice n eerie

Was optioned but now available again...

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: February 29th, 2016, 8:26pm Report to Moderator
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After a great Skype session with the Prod/Dir, A Face in the Crowd has been optioned by Mad Lungi films in NY...


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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eldave1
Posted: February 29th, 2016, 8:38pm Report to Moderator
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Atta go - congrats


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: February 28th, 2017, 5:50pm Report to Moderator
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Face in the Crowd announced as official nominee/finalist at the Utah Film Awards... and anther Producer has shown an interest - third time lucky? Can but hope!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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