Mark
“JESSUP BAUMGARTNER, 20, sits in an uncomfortable chair and
stares at a comfortable one on the other side of the desk.”
- First off, what a great name! I like the intention behind this opening visual too but I wonder could you give us more that would visually suggest it, both the uncomfortable and comfortable chairs? Could Jessup shuffle a bit, try to work in his a?s groove, frown, pull a face, etc? Just something to indicate his discomfort while cutting to the plush, leather (or whatever) chair across the desk.
“Jessup notices the unusually large amount of spittle on the
open rim of the can and curls his lip in silent disgust.”
- I like the focusing on this minute but bothersome detail, keen observation.
SIMPLOT
Sorry about that, Jessup. Pop runs
straight through me anymore.
- I presume there is a typo here somewhere, doesn’t make sense. I do love his use of the term “pop” though, gave me a chuckle. I’m glad Jessup picked up on it too. We only say it around my parts in jest, to sound old timey basically.
SIMPLOT
It's not your job to make your
supervisors better. It's your job
to make the company better by doing
the tasks you're assigned.
- Straight away I’m curious as to what company Jessup is working for and what exactly his “tasks” are. I mean, how many employers would send you to a therapist for insubordination? Or maybe I’m over thinking this aspect…
JESSUP
That's what was wrong with him.
- Ha, nice comeback.
JESSUP
Is that why you work out of your home?
- This insult falls flat since isn’t it most people’s dream to work from home? I mean, it certainly ain’t a mark of an unworthy profession.
“Jessup sits quiet, but the anger might slowly be building in
his eyes.”
- I’d drop the “maybe’ and just say it is.
SIMPLOT
I can see it in you. You were the
kid that your mom was too
embarrassed that she could never
take you anywhere because of how
spastic you are.
- Wow, he’s really going off book now dropping the “s” word like that. Some kind of unorthodox, new age counseling method, right
JESSUP
When my mom finished her punishment
and finally got custody back of me,
- This read a little clumsy and that may be the point. Could be rewritten as:
“When my mom finished her punishment and finally got custody of me again”
“The anger rises again in Jessup.”
- Given the anecdote Jessup has just relayed, would this obvious baiting by Simplot really be bothering him so much? He’s clearly a manipulative, calculating individual who would detect Simplot’s goading a mile off...or perhaps it’s all part of his act, that and the lip quivering.
“Simplot takes the last sip of Sprite and leaves the biggest
puddle of spittle yet.”
- Ha, I’m enjoying the repeated references to that increasingly horrible spittle.
“He knows he got to him.”
- On the contrary, all signs point to the complete opposite case. Just my hunch but hey I’m no doctor
...reading on...
“He's agitated and stares at himself in the mirror.”
- Or maybe Simplot has gotten to him.
“Jessup takes a deep breath and, calmly, he rubs his face
against the wet, dirty toilet seat.”
- Ha, weird, unexpected, sick, I like it! Let’s see where it goes...
SIMPLOT
I told you that's not happening.
Just because you rub pop and claim
to have urine all over your face
isn't grounds for a psychological
break.
- Missing “it” after “face” I think.
JESSUP
For the police. After you kissed
me, and I resisted, you
over-powered me, dragged me and
held my throat over the toilet.
Then you pissed all over my face.
Simplot has to laugh.
SIMPLOT
Jessup. You can't afford to be
this stupid.
- Yeah, that is a long shot, try explaining that in court.
Mmm, I’m not sure about the ending here, the resolution and reasons behind Jessup’s extreme actions. Still wrestling with it. You portray Jessup as a conniver of the most determined and diabolical kind in how he turned on his own mother so I believe he would go to such lengths to get the half paid 6 month leave but I don’t know what we are supposed to take away from it. I mean, would any of us resort to that just to get off work for a bit, I dunno, we’d really not want to work!
Recorded tape or not it’s still a problem child’s word against a respectable doctor’s. Surely the company would back up the latter and the former’s history of victimization would send alarm bells ringing and raise suspicions. It’s that old “fool me once...fool me twice” thing. I assume his mother denied any wrong doing the time she lost custody of him too so there would be some history of Jessup framing events to set people up.
Then again, the dude has piss and saliva on his face, that’s pretty damning evidence right there!
Are we to assume that he improvised this blackmail there and then having seen Simplot’s messy way of drinking? Only when the latter goes to the toilet does he decide to hide the tape and the scheme is set in motion. On that note, why didn’t he just pocket the tape instead of leaving it on Simplot’s chair where it might be spotted? Also, how did he know about the doctor not being an “aimer”, this must have been an on-the-spot revelation, right? And Jessup reacted like any sociopath would
Because without the urine on his face he doesn’t have much of a case, you know. Thus, you can see why I’m unsure about the pre-meditation here and in turn concerned how that effects the plausibility of his master plan.
As I already mentioned I really wanted to know what this mysterious company was that would employ someone like Jessup, respect him enough to not fire him for undermining his superiors yet have a structure in place whereby he gets sent to a therapist in order to deal with his “issues”. I thought there was some sinister undertone lurking there to be revealed but it’s never addressed so I assume it’s just an unspecified, faceless employer in the background.
Overall, I did like the unapologetic treachery of the Jessup character, the back and forth between him and Simplot worked great (particularly in the first half of the script) and the antics in the bathroom just for their sheer randomness. However, as I said, I was left unsatisfied and somewhat unconvinced by the final third.
Col.