Chris,

Read the script and comments. Liked the script and agree with the comments for the most part. The biggest part is paring down the action and dialogue to the point where the flow is fluid and natural. The biggest point noted was the question of why he tossed her back in the pool like a underweight fish. You pointed out how he was worried about possible consequences of hooking up with a minor... maybe a reference to jail-bait.

You are getting there. I would suggest reposting for a final read before setting this in the "to be filmed" hopper.

Ian

Quoted from Iancou The biggest point noted was the question of why he tossed her back in the pool like a underweight fish. You pointed out how he was worried about possible consequences of hooking up with a minor... maybe a reference to jail-bait.

i thought about that actually but decided to go about it in a more indirect way with her complaining about her 16th birthday to Jared.