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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  The Movies Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: July 22nd, 2015, 4:45pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Movies by Annie Lewis - Short, Comedy - Three teenagers decide to go see a movie on a Saturday night. - pdf, format


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Don  -  July 27th, 2015, 4:48pm
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IamGlenn
Posted: July 23rd, 2015, 3:45pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Annie,

The logline doesn't do anything for the story. I don't look at it and think, "I gotta read this"! Doesn't sound like it'll be a comedy. Sounds dull.. Do something about that.

Having said that, I'll take a look

Ooops!! 404..






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Arundel
Posted: June 11th, 2019, 2:10am Report to Moderator
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Ok, ok, I enjoyed it. Mostly. Sort of teen- Seinfeld. The dialog was really bad, needs to flow more and sound like real people - real teenagers - talking. It sounded like they were giving obvious descriptions of things. Reading out of a textbook for those learning English for the first time, haha sorry.

The kid who wants to see the German film, he should know a little bit more about it. When Valerie explains the French word for 'ugly' she should also know the German title of the film. Just my thought, making her a more well-rounded character. Like, that's her forte.

Liked the reveal towards the end though. The one boy having a crush on the other. Didn't really see it coming. It would be cool of Valerie just sits back and watches them watch the movie together, instead of the hands touching in the popcorn.
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