I really liked this... an excellent story. Nice work. I'd like to see it made.

@ Alfy

Quoted Text The part that left me the most unsure was the ending. I thought Fritzinger was saving the pit bull but now I find out he's not.  While Dwight deserved his pay back I'm not keen on how he got it.

The Fritzinger character was supposed to represent that dark fantasy that us animal lovers would have if we ever got our hands on an abusive, neglectful pet owner like Dwight. That dark fantasy is animalistic in nature. To the point where the focus is off the abused animal but more on the fate of the animal abuser.

Also, the PIT BULL is ferocious because of the abuse he endured from Dwight. Though I believe an abused animal can "somewhat" recover and reform mentally, here the animal is confronted by the man who abused him. It's more about the PIT BULL's vengeance here, though dog-fighting is one of the cruelest forms of animal abuse. In this case, PIT BULL's rage and brutality was taught to him by man (Dwight). Though the PIT BULL gets his revenge, ultimately, there are no winners here. The damage has been done. The transformation has already occurred.

@ Dustin

Quoted Text I really liked this... an excellent story. Nice work. I'd like to see it made.

Thanks, Dustin. Though this would be difficult to shoot on a lower budget. I feel it's strong enough, socially relevant enough and has enough layers to earn itself a larger budget. But I did write it, so I'm a tad biased

-- Michael

I think the scenes where Dwight has turned into a dog can just be filmed with the actor. So we always see the actor, it's only the characters that see a dog. There are a few locations, but nothing that should break the bank. I don't see any reason why this one shouldn't be picked up... and if it takes a budget, then at least you get paid.

I actually pitched a very similar idea to a director about 3-4 weeks back. It was one of four I think I pitched to him. It's basically the same plot as yours but a little different and would require a bigger budget. Mine was a bit more "out there" and with a stronger Twilight Zone, Outer Limits vibe.

First, I would like to say, that by reading your posts here Michael, you seem like a great guy. BUT, you have committed a cardinal sin, a sin so big I don't know if I can forgive you. YOU USED PAPYRUS! HOW DARE YOU!!!

It's part of the unholy trinity of hated fonts. Alongside Comic Sans and Bleeding Cowboy. There are sites dedicated to the hate towards these fonts: http://www.papyruswatch.com/

To add a quote from webdesingerdepot:

Quoted Text Papyrus is the king of bad fonts. Equal parts childish, kitschy and irritating, this ugly piece of typography has found its way into everything from film posters (Avatar, anyone?) to logos for credit unions. It has become such a universal annoyance that several anti-Papyrus blogs have popped up. As with Comic Sans, avoid this typeface if you want to be taken seriously. Unlike other reviled typefaces, though, Papyrus isn't bad because it is overused: it's bad because it just doesn't look good. Kitschy, cheap and vile, Papyrus has no place in your designs.

Your underline is also way too close. And I would put your name up right below "written by". Looks better IMO. And I would lose the CONT'D on the dialogue.

Now, that out of the way. Seeing as I came up with pretty much the same idea as you. I can say that... I like it

I would cut down on some of the dialogue in the beginning. With the female jogger. Maybe limit her to two lines. Something like she just points to the house and asks: "- you're going in there alone?"And the dialogue that follows between the officer and the main character. I would cut some out of it. Especially the part about never hitting a woman. Maybe imply the ex-wife bit and that he doesn't hit women. The dialogue as is, doesn't work for me. Sounds a bit overexplanatory IMO, and like a hint that maybe you're setting something up down the line.

Other than that... good stuff.

Hey Demento, how've you been?

Quoted Text I actually pitched a very similar idea to a director about 3-4 weeks back. It was one of four I think I pitched to him. It's basically the same plot as yours but a little different and would require a bigger budget. Mine was a bit more "out there" and with a stronger Twilight Zone, Outer Limits vibe.

Great minds, my friend. Great minds. Yeah, mine has a Twilight Zone concept, and though there is somewhat of an ironic ending here -- I didn't want to be too ironic, that can be a bit predictable sometimes -- the vibe is probably closer to early Tales From the Crypt or Creepshow.

Quoted Text First, I would like to say, that by reading your posts here Michael, you seem like a great guy.

Okay... but...

Quoted Text BUT, you have committed a cardinal sin, a sin so big I don't know if I can forgive you. YOU USED PAPYRUS! HOW DARE YOU!!! It's part of the unholy trinity of hated fonts. Alongside Comic Sans and Bleeding Cowboy. There are sites dedicated to the hate towards these fonts: http://www.papyruswatch.com/

Oh, no. Me? Have bad taste? Shit man... I know it sounds like a silly thing, but I've actually already changed it to Rockwell Bold. Last thing I need is a faux pas in my script.

Quoted Text Now, that out of the way. Seeing as I came up with pretty much the same idea as you. I can say that... I like it

Ah, okay, cool.

Quoted Text I would cut down on some of the dialogue in the beginning. With the female jogger. Maybe limit her to two lines. Something like she just points to the house and asks: "- you're going in there alone?"And the dialogue that follows between the officer and the main character. I would cut some out of it. Especially the part about never hitting a woman. Maybe imply the ex-wife bit and that he doesn't hit women. The dialogue as is, doesn't work for me. Sounds a bit overexplanatory IMO, and like a hint that maybe you're setting something up down the line.

I altered dialogue just a little bit as it read a tad unnatural to me, specifically the "never hitting a woman" bit. I have Dwight avoid the question completely. As for the Woman Jogger, I liked it and decided to keep that in. Here's the updated dialogue here... sans papyrus... still, the "written by" is spaced the same above my name. https://www.dropbox.com/s/yv5cezbykif4uuy/Filthy%20Animal.pdf?dl=0

Quoted Text Other than that... good stuff.

Cool, man, glad (outside of the papyrus) that you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading and commenting.

-- Michael

wassup, mike

I liked your message in the script. Against animal abuse/ karma. Your twist got me again. I didn't see Dwight getting capped in the face by the mysterious Fitzgerald, but all I can conclude is that Fitzgerald wasn't part of the animal control organization. He's a hit man? Dwight was involved with some shit? I don't know, but I do find the fact that the van is all white with no windows a clue to to Fitzgerald mysterious character.

I liked your twist with Dwight becoming the dog. Really gave it a vibe/ flavor for the script. And the ending is cool. Really finishes up the theme for what goes around comes around.

Nice work. Even picked some vocab to level up. I got to work on mine.

Hey Jose,

Good to see you getting involved around here, dude. Hopefully, you get more reads and comments with the stuff you posted. I would suggest reciprocating with other members on here. Anyway, to your comments...

Quoted Text I liked your message in the script. Against animal abuse/ karma.

Yes, the script is against animal abuse but the message isn't quite that simple. Of course, most people are against animal abuse. It's not exactly controversial subject matter unless you're involved in dog fighting rings. Most decent human beings are against animal abuse.

The message is more about transformation and reformation. Not just in animals but in human beings. Can a damaged animal be reformed? Can a damaged person be reformed? In my story, nobody really wins although everyone gets what they deserve. But what they deserve or, rather, what we feel Dwight deserves is animalistic in nature. So... what does that make us? What does that make the prison system? Capital punishment? Animal shelters aren't the only places where its inhabitants are euthanized.

Also, the abused PIT BULL gets his revenge on his abusive owner -- but wasn't the PIT BULL rescued? Reformed? Heeled? Same PIT BULL gets his revenge but, in a way, shows that he is not truly reformed. Neither is Angela, who Dwight abused also... she ALSO gets her revenge. But she is so fucked up from her abusive relationship with Dwight that she pits him against a ferocious PIT BULL in a literal dog fight. And Fritzinger? He is US. He saves the PIT BULL, takes pity... then puts him in a dog fight? Dog fighting is one of the cruelest forms of animal abuse. That just goes to show that the punishment to Dwight has become the focus rather than truly reforming that poor PIT BULL into being fit for domestication.

Quoted Text Your twist got me again. I didn't see Dwight getting capped in the face by the mysterious Fitzgerald, but all I can conclude is that Fitzgerald wasn't part of the animal control organization. He's a hit man? Dwight was involved with some shit? I don't know, but I do find the fact that the van is all white with no windows a clue to to Fitzgerald mysterious character.

Fritzinger is actually his name. He is more of a symbolic character here. An ominous figure. Kind of like an angel of death kinda guy. I tried making him and what he represented ambiguous.

Quoted Text I liked your twist with Dwight becoming the dog. Really gave it a vibe/ flavor for the script. And the ending is cool. Really finishes up the theme for what goes around comes around.

I wouldn't say "what goes around comes around" is the main theme. Yes, it provides the story with one of the concrete themes... the other being animal abuse. But I feel personally that the true theme is abstract, lying beneath the surface. That theme being abuse in general, transformation and reformation.

Quoted Text Nice work. Even picked some vocab to level up. I got to work on mine.

Thanks man, I don't exactly consider myself a wordsmith per se. But good to see you're working on mixing it up a little bit with creating visuals by mixing it up with your wording a little bit. Just as important is the way you arrange your wording.

Thanks for commenting, man. I will eventually get around to commenting more on Season's End (in the series section here).

-- Michael

Gave this one a smooth-over. Essentially the same story, just tinkered with dialogue with a little bit, eliminated typos, etc. Thanks again to all those who have commented.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/yv5cezbykif4uuy/Filthy%20Animal.pdf?dl=0