Thanks all for the reads.

I did two drafts on this and forgot that I wanted to add more. I wanted to add more conflict and also explain why the children came back. Athenian hit the proverbial nail when he mentioned that they perhaps came back because they were hungry. Which is exactly what I had in mind to write. I envisioned a cold night in the woods, they walking in circles and then the smell of food drawing them home. I wanted to also include some type of breadcrumb reference as a further nod to the original tale.

I did originally have Dortchen being kicked into the fire but it didn't really fit the story properly. Plus it's what the viewer will expect so should make for a nice little twist when it doesn't happen.

I agree on the clarity early on, I need to clean that up and perhaps another scene to explain why the children return alone.

Cheers.

This was weird. I like it.

P.S. The guy who plays Gianni in your short Evicted is a sterling actor.

Dustin, if I had a cap on I'd doth it to you, cracking work. Twisted, brutal, and a nice re-working of the old tale. No real criticisms or points to add, just keep it the way it is so far as I'm concerned.

Actually, one thought, does anyone own the rights to the original story? Hopefully not, still everything appears to be owned nowadays...

Well written! A couple of points: Why only Hans is mentioned as a returnee? Maybe, the script needs more interaction between Hans and his dying father....just one or two lines. A solid horror story.
I think it will be produced.
My best,
Fausto

The story is written well. I didn't understand why the kids returned. Another awkward detail at the end: so they see their dad is in a pool of blood, and they just sit down to eat dinner? A natural reaction would be screaming, being in shock, and so on.