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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  An Unexpected Party - Optioned
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  Author    An Unexpected Party - Optioned  (currently 687 views)
Don
Posted: December 11th, 2019, 4:59pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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An Unexpected Party by William David Glenn IV - Short, Comedy - A low level businessman just wants to relax after a hard week of work, but is interrupted by his rowdy neighbors who take over his apartment and force him to plot to end the party and his nightmare. 8 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Don  -  January 11th, 2020, 10:59am
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JohnMcCarthy
Posted: December 16th, 2019, 3:22pm Report to Moderator
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I don't think you need the CUT TO: or JUMP CUT TO: and I think you meant to say the the coffee table "wobbled" instead of "waddled" but other than that, I liked it. A lot! Chuckled throughout and laughed out loud at the Chef in full chef's regalia!
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: January 10th, 2020, 7:51am Report to Moderator
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Nicely written, the ultimate party from hell out of nothing. I liked the nth degree stuff like the chef appearing, I think you could juice up the humor by adding a few more crazy elements like this in.

The ending is okay, but I'd try and tie in the ending to that film as well he was trying so hard to avoid. If that was indavertantly spoiled as well, that would be the icing on the (prawn) cake.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Don
Posted: January 11th, 2020, 11:00am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Optioned via SimplyScripts


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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eldave1
Posted: January 11th, 2020, 12:35pm Report to Moderator
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Excellent - congrats!


My Scripts can all be seen here:

https://dlambertson.wixsite.com/scripts
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: January 11th, 2020, 1:46pm Report to Moderator
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Well done, congrats!


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - https://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/ShortScripts
Available Feature screenplays - https://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/FeatureFilmScripts
Screenwriting articles - https://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/Articles
IMDB Link - https://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: January 14th, 2020, 4:02am Report to Moderator
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Nice one, congratulations!


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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