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Posted: February 14th, 2021, 10:00am
So, what are you writing?
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by Robert Spence - Short, Comedy - Two twenty something friends, Mark and Nat, maneuver their way through the contemporary dating scene with disastrous results. 11 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted: February 14th, 2021, 2:02pm
Yeah this one made me chuckle. Nice and easy to visualise, has something of an 80's comedy vibe to it. I would say though to include flashback where he's talking about what happened next with Becky just so it's really clear...
INT. BEDROOM. DAY. FLASHBACK INT. HOTEL RECEPTION. DAY. FLASHBACK CONTINUED. INT. CAFE. DAY. BACK TO PRESENT But yeah, good slice of real life here.
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Posted: February 15th, 2021, 10:41am
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Thanks for the feedback, will look into this for the rewrite.
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Posted: February 15th, 2021, 11:40am
Yeah no problem. I have just started with SimplyScripts and posted my first screenplay recently, it's called Fur and no Whiskers and it's a comedy/drama, feel free to check it out if you'd like.
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Posted: February 19th, 2021, 12:18pm
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Itís a nice little short you have here. Refreshing in its simplicity, not trying too hard or coming across pretentious at all which I like. And some nice little details like the Aldi bag haha. Good stuff. Feedback wise Iíd echo what Alexander said, plus Iíd suggest having a possible touch up on the scene where Nat is reading from the phone just to help with clarity, as that part I had to read twice just to make sure I understood. Itís no biggy though to be fair. Cheers
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