Love Is On The (Phone) Line by Bryce Smink - Short, Comedy - A secret phone call between two forbidden lovers. 3 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

You around, Bryce? I’ll give you a little feedback if you like?

Hi, Bryce, gave this a read.

Since this was a comedy, I guessed(don't know how or why, just a wild guess) that Kari might be filming or something. The story had a unique concept to it but frankly, I did not find it funny to say so. I know comedy is subjective - so someone else might get a laugh out of this.

The writing had no issues and it was easy to read and finish. But, I'll do say that the 'final reveal' portion of the story does needs some work to pull it off effectively. It lacked a punch, imo. Maybe, I already guessed correctly. Idk.

This is just my opinion. Not denigrating your work by any means.  

Good luck.