Warren,

This started out a little slow, but the mention of abduction signals something about this happy family is ‘off’ which works to pull it along.  The point it slipped for me was Kara’s sudden realisation that she’s Sofia.  If she’d been taken at a younger age perhaps, but ten years old feels a stretch to have forgotten this past life and I’m not sure how she’d forget what is essentially an ongoing experience.  Not to say it couldn’t be done, but that’s a lot of ground covered in a short space which you can only scratch the surface of here.  This is, by its nature, a much deeper psychological experience.  It’s a question of buying into it with little understanding as to how Henry has kept this secret from the outside world and how Kara has come to ‘forget’ and accept this situation as love.

If anything the pregnancy could be Kara’s way out - use it to manipulate Henry, turn the tables as she now has something he wants and is desperate to protect.  Taking that away puts her right back in the same situation as before.    

Not sure there’s much to take away from this as every beat doubles down on Kara’s misery: She starts off happy at the thought of being a mother; then discovers everything is a horrific lie; then aborts her pregnancy before returning to the man who did this to her with the suggestion of starting over.  All is forgotten again and life goes on as ‘normal’.  There’s no sense of hope or justice served - no suggestion of a way out, just a grim futility that Henry gets what he wants.  It works in as much as it's an uncomfortable conclusion.  Writing wise I’d find it hard to put down, but on a gut reaction the story is too bleak for me - not something I’d enjoy watching.  That doesn’t mean others wouldn’t and these low budget psychological dramas tend to get picked up so best of luck with it.

Steve

Warren, I'm saying "still not very clear" because Kara totally forgot Henry was her abductor. It's like she's on drugs.
And maybe I'm mistaken, you tell me, but I don't think that's how the syndrome works. Stockgolm syndrome is when you remember everything but you love that person and beleive that he's the right one for you. This syndrome is the only explanation that fits the setting that's why I said I got it.

On the other hand, yes it would be an early reveal. I don't think it's something that would be on the nose though. Your call of course. At any rate I liked the script, liked the intensity of it, so while it's true that you left me with a couple of questions but it's still a captivating read.

Hi Steve,

Thanks for the read and through feedback.

Yeah I definitely agree it's a big ask and potentially feature material so it can be fleshed out a bit more.

As far as how grim it is, that's just how I write. I've never written a short or feature with a happy ending. They are always quite dark. I'm not really sure why that is, but I never have any other type of story that comes to me.

Thanks again.

Khamanna,

I fully understand what is involved in Stockholm syndrome, I have taken some artistic licence and made this a more extreme version of that relationship. I've taken some artistic licence. As a writer I feel I'm aloud to do that.

This piece probably needs to be longer though to allow the relationship to be built up more.

Some notes.

I liked this one, but it became a straight line story until the ending which I found a bit bizarre.  after all, she's not 6 any more.  And she's in a tool shed, with tools, presumably sharp tools.  And while I can see her giving up for herself, I don't see it for her baby.  

I understand the stockholm syndrome, and I can appreciate the psychological elements, but I would expect her to at least make a try for freedom.  I was hoping the coat hanger was a feint, and as he bends over to inspect, she clomps on his neck with sharp garden shears.  But that's not your story.  

Of course, there are other elements that might need tweaking.  Presumably, he has to make excuses as to her disappearance and then reappearance.  Awkward after three years.  But that's me.  

Best
Richard

Thanks for the read Richard,

All very good suggestions, but yes I agree that they would change the story quite significantly.

I'm currently taking another look at this one with everyone's comments in mind.

Appreciate it.