SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is December 7th, 2024, 3:12pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship. And, if you are confused How does this discussion board work?


Produced Script Database (Updated!)

Bear with... The OWC Scripts will be posted around 7PM Saturday edt

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  The Stink Of It All
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Stink Of It All  (currently 636 views)
Caretaker
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 6:09pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16743
Posts Per Day
1.92
The Stink Of It All by Roberto Negron - Short, Drama - A boy living in the housing projects feels that he's too big for bars on his windows, so he decides to take them down and quickly discovers that a small child falling to his or her death is not the only reason to keep the bars in place. 4 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Online
Site Private Message
eldave1
Posted: January 25th, 2018, 9:29pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6874
Posts Per Day
1.82
Couple of quick notes:


Quoted Text
STREET KID #1
Am I supposed to be scared of you
because you’re black or something?!
You don’t scare me, motherfucker!
Let’s go.


Was the other guy white? You may want to intro their ethnicity when you first intro the characters.


Quoted Text
ROBERTO
Stupid things! What are these
window guards still doing here
anyway? I’m not a damn baby
anymore. It’s not like I’m gonna
be falling to my death.
Roberto shakes the window guard.
ROBERTO (CONT’D)
You know what?! The hell with
this! These window guards are
coming down. This is ridiculous.


Had a problem with the above dialogue. Thought it was way to on the nose and didn't sound at all like a nine year old.

As I read on - none of the dialogue for Roberto sounds natural to me. He talks like a man.

Not sure what the street fight had to do with anything.

Sorry - didn't care for this one. Might just be me. Best of luck.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006