SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 4th, 2025, 12:00am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The answer to: Who wrote what script in the June 2025 One Week Challenge? <- click back there


The July 2025 One Week Challenge comes, soon.

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Sign Here
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Sign Here  (currently 712 views)
Don
Posted: November 1st, 2018, 7:31pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
17354
Posts Per Day
1.94
Sign Here by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - The president of the united states must act to stop a scandal before it ruins his second term in office. 4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Matthew Taylor
Posted: November 2nd, 2018, 11:16am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Shakespeare's county
Posts
1896
Posts Per Day
0.77
Hi Simon

Well done, I like this - Concise, easy to read and follow. I enjoyed the story also.

I only have a couple of small bits to mention:

Your log line, kinda ruined the story for me - I know viewers, if produced, wouldn't read a log line - but as a reader, the moment he comes in and says "Mr president" It should be an "Oooo" moment, but I already read it in the log line.

He mentions that this is the second time he has presented a document, this time for more money, but she is still surprised that he want's to buy her silence - wouldn't that have come up the first time?

The ending - I am not saying change it, it's your story - but sometimes what we don't see is more powerful - Him walking away (remorseful/not remorseful) and hearing a gun shot, is another way to go

Oh and I also like that you chose the nursery as the location for the ending - well done

All the best

Matt


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
MatthewLincoln
Posted: November 9th, 2018, 10:30pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
57
Posts Per Day
0.01
Simon,

Just read your script. Great job. It's very well written, and the dialogue is well written. I agree with the other commenter about the reveal that Michael was the president, but it was still a great read. I hope this gets produced.

Matthew Lincoln

P.S. I'm looking for some feedback on my script. It's in the sci-fi short section. It's called inescapable. Care to give it a read?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
DanielW
Posted: November 16th, 2018, 6:47pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Melbourne, Australia
Posts
68
Posts Per Day
0.02
Simon,

I like what you come up with, and this is no different.

A 30 year old President? Really?

I agree with Matt regarding the ending. Black screen it, with a gunshot.

Nice work.

Daniel
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006