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I look forward to seeing this when it's made. Keep us in the loop when that might be.
Thanks, will do. I wrote this with an English accent in mind so it'll be interesting to see how it comes across with American actors. Oh and just to say this was picked up from Simplyscripts, so thumbs up.
I removed the "Smart" when describing Steve although not everyone who wears a suit is "Smart".
I think the point with that one is that smart is associated with suit. It's an obvious thought. suit = smart So we don't have to elaborate on the obvious, only when we diverge from the norm do we need to do so.
But, if you really want to drill home that he looks smart then simply saying he looks smart is a bit dull. Always think visual "Freshly pressed suit". In contrast, if your character was a low-life with a court date, he wouldn't be simply "scruffy" he would be in a "Crinkly ill-fitting suit"
Just a thought anyway.
Congrats on your success so far - Long may it continue.
I think the point with that one is that smart is associated with suit. It's an obvious thought. suit = smart So we don't have to elaborate on the obvious, only when we diverge from the norm do we need to do so.
But, if you really want to drill home that he looks smart then simply saying he looks smart is a bit dull. Always think visual "Freshly pressed suit". In contrast, if your character was a low-life with a court date, he wouldn't be simply "scruffy" he would be in a "Crinkly ill-fitting suit"
Just a thought anyway.
Congrats on your success so far - Long may it continue.
Thanks Matt. Yeah I get what you're saying but does it really matter as long as we get an idea of what they are like? I just think a lot of people overthink too much. Obviously if it's really badly written then that's a different matter but does it really matter if I say he is smart?
Thanks Matt. Yeah I get what you're saying but does it really matter as long as we get an idea of what they are like? I just think a lot of people overthink too much. Obviously if it's really badly written then that's a different matter but does it really matter if I say he is smart?
Nope, doesn't really matter. It doesn't really matter if I add garlic to my roast potatoes, but it adds flavour and makes them more enjoyable.
Saying he is smart is good enough - but why settle for good enough?
What with all the madness in the world at the moment I sort of forgot about this being produced. I got an E-mail today telling me they wrapped the film last week and it is now being edited. I can't waiti to see it, I'm also on IMDB now, so I'm pretty pleased.
I have to say this wouldn't have happened if it were not for SimplyScripts. I wrote this for a OWC so if it wasn't for that the script probably wouldn't exist. Also it was picked up from here so I'm glad I joined here and also entered the OWC, I didn't win that by the way lol
Hi. After reading through the feedback, I thought I'd give this a read myself. Apart from all the typos and lack of clarity with the flashback scene, I thought this was just a tad contrived. However I did want to know where this was leading so I stuck it out, but wasn't really taken by the final scene at all. But thanks for sharing.
John
My Screenplays Two Moons The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin The Blue Room No Time For Love The Source The Pearl Earring The Bigger The Storm Before She Died
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