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Depresso Like Espresso (currently 410 views)
Don
Posted: February 9th, 2020, 4:01pm
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So, what are you writing?
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Depresso Like Espresso by Chase Mykleby - Short, Drama - A teenage boy who has suffered from mutism for 8 years, finds a way to express himself, through music. 13 pages - pdf format
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eldave1
Posted: February 9th, 2020, 9:02pm
January Project Group
Location Southern California
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Chase:
Add a title page
Lose the watermarks.
Write in an active voice - it will pop more, Also - delete unneeded descriptions and CAP your characters when intro'd. . e.g., this
Quoted Text
A middle aged man (40s) is driving a car and a middle aged
Better as:
A MAN (40s,), drives.
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Arundel
Posted: February 10th, 2020, 12:29am
January Project Group
Location Las Vegas, Nevada
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Nice enough story. Kind of like an After School Special. The Mom and Dad's lines at the beginning are kind of weird. Some may critique you for not giving the main character, the boy, a formal name. I'm thinking that since he doesn't speak the no-name may add to the character's silence or anonymity.
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