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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Depresso Like Espresso
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  Author    Depresso Like Espresso  (currently 410 views)
Don
Posted: February 9th, 2020, 4:01pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Depresso Like Espresso by Chase Mykleby - Short, Drama - A teenage boy who has suffered from mutism for 8 years, finds a way to express himself, through music. 13 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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eldave1
Posted: February 9th, 2020, 9:02pm Report to Moderator
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Chase:

Add a title page

Lose the watermarks.

Write in an active voice - it will pop more, Also - delete unneeded descriptions and CAP your characters when intro'd. . e.g., this


Quoted Text
A middle aged man (40s) is driving a car and a middle aged


Better as:

A MAN (40s,), drives.



My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Arundel
Posted: February 10th, 2020, 12:29am Report to Moderator
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Nice enough story. Kind of like an After School Special. The Mom and Dad's lines at the beginning are kind of weird. Some may critique you for not giving the main character, the boy, a formal name. I'm thinking that since he doesn't speak the no-name may add to the character's silence or anonymity.

Don't get the title. Like it but how does it fit to the story? Makes it sound like it's going to be a comedy.  
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