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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Knight
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  Author    Knight  (currently 73 views)
Don
Posted: June 28th, 2020, 4:38pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Knight by Jose Rivadulla-Rey - Short, Drama - A woman is out for revenge after a clan of bandits slaughtered her family and people. She teams up with an unwanted knight (giving him purpose again) to seek revenge. 9 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice


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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  Yesterday, 7:48am
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Nomad
Posted: June 29th, 2020, 12:08am Report to Moderator
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There are a lot of things wrong with the format of your script which is going to turn people away before they even read the story.

I'm curious to see what Francesca has been up to in the year she was gone, but overall this story needs a lot of work to be anything original that I would want to continue to read.

Good luck.


Read my scripts here:
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT 8pg-Drama
THE BRIDGE 8pg-Horror
SCHEISSE 6pg-Horror/Comedy
MADE FOR EACH OTHER-FILMED
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BarryJohn
Posted: June 29th, 2020, 3:19am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories..

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Hi Jose

I see you new to script writing - Welkom to HELL.

Script writing has "rules", Just like any business or sport. In script writing the GOLDEN RULE is format. It's our universal language... and if you gonna want to communicate with us, you need to write "speak" our language.

The best way to learn is to read as many scripts as you can - there are hundreds here alone. Also, the web is full of FREE script writing advice from the Pro's. ( I learnt a lot at; http://www.screencraft.com )

Shelve this script. Read 15 SHORT (no matter the genre)  scripts and then rewrite this script again and compare the difference. You'll see what I'm talking about. Then, and only then, repost the rewritten script here.  

Just off the top:

EXT. FOREST - DAY

FRANCESCA, (30) Blood stained from her wounds. She's been chased by four howling Barbarians.

Not to far off is a lone black KNIGHT. He hears the howling he knows to well to be that of Barbarians. That with the screams of a woman, he's quick to head off in the direction of her screams.

Francesca trips over a log. Laying on the ground holding her leg as she's screaming in pain. The Barbarians now standing over her.      
- - - - - - - - - - -
Hope this helps.  




    


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories.. You want to hear one?

I live in the most beautiful country of South Africa. I'm a self employed electronics security technician. I'm four years into script writing ~ trying to make it in this ever competitive  industry.  
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Yuvraj
Posted: June 29th, 2020, 4:03am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


COUP DE GRACE

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Yep, Jose,

Barry and Nomad are right. This is not the proper formatting. Read scripts(properly formatted as a matter of fact) as much as you can.

Good luck.


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eldave1
Posted: July 1st, 2020, 3:14pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Yuvraj
Yep, Jose,

Barry and Nomad are right. This is not the proper formatting. Read scripts(properly formatted as a matter of fact) as much as you can.

Good luck.


Concur


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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