Steven,

I've never tried my hand at a  one pager but I've seen some people have success with them. I liked the story here more than the writing. I think there's a few clunky lines that just don't roll off the tongue well, but I got what you're going for visually. I think this would make a powerful little film if shot properly.

James

Thanks for reading, James. A few clunky lines for sure as this is pretty much a first draft that went right to SS, but I’m glad it worked for you otherwise.

Steve