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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  The List
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jwent6688
Posted: September 2nd, 2020, 9:48pm Report to Moderator
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Steven,

I've never tried my hand at a  one pager but I've seen some people have success with them. I liked the story here more than the writing. I think there's a few clunky lines that just don't roll off the tongue well, but I got what you're going for visually. I think this would make a powerful little film if shot properly.

James


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SAC
Posted: September 4th, 2020, 7:27am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for reading, James. A few clunky lines for sure as this is pretty much a first draft that went right to SS, but I’m glad it worked for you otherwise.

Steve


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