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The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.
NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressedwrittenpermission of the author.
Are you on the boards Austin? If so, I will take a look in more depth.
My minimal Spanish has translated your title into something like “your name Black isin black an white". Did I get it?
Your first logline is an interior, which is hard to grass because it is described as a desert road. As a general rule, I try to avoid using The same word or title that is present in the slug line to describe the scene. The information is already in slug - eg you describe your “desert road” in words as a “desert road” which is redundant.
Do you have spelt disheveled wrong which is hard because thats a speaking character's name and it comes up a lot. You’ve also not introduced any of those speaking characters appropriately. E.g. characters are introduced in full caps.
As I said, if you’re active on the board and can respond I will keep reading and give you some more thoughts on the actual story but at the moment your first page is not close enough to industry standard and would turn a lot of people off. I’m not necessarily a quote “Format “Nazi but a quick run through with this story on a screen writing software, some of which is free (writerDuet, Caltx - not the in-bowser version, the software version which can you ca still get) would make this more readable.
Thank you for sharing. There is a lot of things that you have done right (dialogue on first two pages is clean) and getting fundamentals of format down is probably the easiest hurdle to cross.