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Monsters by Steven Sallie & Carrie Sallie - Short, Drama, Horror - Nine-year-old Calvin dreads to see the school day end. Why? Because he must go home, which happens to be filled with monsters. 14 pages - pdf format
V.Nice little 'monster' analogy here, cause we all know who the real 'monsters' are in this tale.
Loved the maggots and worms. He's hungry! Loved that Calvin uses his own 'army' and Marty at the helm. The symbolism of the picture-perfect home morphing into a literal nightmare is terrific, and a great visual. This is Calvin's world, how he sees things.
Gotta feel for Calvin, especially at the end when he is being 'disciplined' by Dad in the final scene, and he cops the brunt from Mom as well..
DIANA Great. Now you’ve got him started again.
Haha! Very good.
Perhaps this -
Their teacher, MRS. MADDOX (50s, stern), looks over the assignments. She doesn’t look pleased with the results.
- might serve your story better and tie in with your ending with even more impact if Mrs Maddox directs her sole disapproving glance in Calvin's direction specifically,
P.S. Typo - Clavin, p.4
Your logline could do with a tweak imho. I don't think it does the story justice. Perhaps include some wording along the lines of: 'there's no place like home, except...'
I could kinda see where this was going but it didn't detract from the reveal. Very enjoyable!