SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
Welcome, Guest.
It is December 7th, 2023, 9:04pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship

Produced Script Database (Updated!)

Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the and domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Life Cycle
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Life Cycle  (currently 188 views)
Posted: October 2nd, 2022, 11:16am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

Posts Per Day
Life Cycle by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - A shy kid must learn what is it to be brave in order to get his beloved bike back. 7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Visit for what is new on the site.

You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Shakespeare on Toast
Posted: October 5th, 2022, 8:03am Report to Moderator

Pushing the boundaries.

London. England
Posts Per Day
All that for his bike? A little infantile script that struggles to hold.

You need  to highlight all characters and objects that are paramount to the story and plot.

Just imagine you're watching this on screen and see how it should read.

Some of the dialogue is unrealistic and over emphasized.

All said, thanks for sharing.

“Asking for comments can sometimes be a disaster .”
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 3
Posted: October 9th, 2022, 7:39am Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
My advice to you is to shorten your descriptions. Take out words. Less is more. It will flow better for the reader and there's not as much detail they have to remember.

So instead of...

'RICHIE, 17, overweight, with bad facial hair and a dirty face comes into the kitchen. He opens the fridge, takes out a can of soda then once Jake's finished making his sandwich he reaches over and steals it from him'.

You could say...

         'RICHIE, obese and unkept, waddles in, whips a soda from the fridge and snatches Jake's sandwich'.

Notice how the words 'waddles' 'whips' and 'snatches' stand out. You can picture these actions clearly. You can picture the urgency in Richie.

Also, you don't need to say that Richie comes into the kitchen. Just simply say 'comes in' as the word 'Kitchen' is in the scene heading.

'CHASE, 29, tall, skinny, shaved head and several truly terrible tattoos running down his arms' - This is better. You could even say 'thin as a rake'.

I wouldn't bother with listing the objects each maid has or the fact that they're in their uniform.

But yeah, overall, good effort. Hope this advice helps.

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 3
Posted: October 9th, 2022, 2:34pm Report to Moderator

Posts Per Day
To spice it up a little. Channel Stephen King. Have the kid summon a Demon. Task the Demon with getting the bike back. Only the Demon tells the kid, I need something in return. I don’t work for free.

Final shot could be the kid riding his bike home. The camera slowly pans down to reveal one of his hands with a bloody, missing finger.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 3
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on

Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006