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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Off Limits
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Don
Posted: October 16th, 2022, 7:22pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Off Limits by Bernard Antoine Mersier - Short, Drama, Mystery - A serial rapist has claimed his nineteenth victim, but that doesn’t stop Sydney from trying to find true love. When Russel, her coworker invites her on a date, she gladly accepts, blocking out the death of her first love. 11 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  February 14th, 2023, 4:09pm
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Shakespeare on Toast
Posted: October 17th, 2022, 6:49am Report to Moderator
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Shakespeare on Toast

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An enjoyable read Bernard. I really didn't see that denouement at all.

So hear are my thoughts:

Your screenplay format was concise and pleasantly easy to read through.

I just thought some of the dialogue was contrived.

Why don't you show us what happened to her boyfriend instead of telling us?

Both your characters were hilariously vile though.

Nice finish.


Groundbreaking scripts:

The Pearl Earring
No Time For Love
Two Moons
Betrayal

And many. many more...

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Shakespeare on Toast  -  October 17th, 2022, 10:42am
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