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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Dramedy Scripts  ›  I Tried Therapy
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  Author    I Tried Therapy  (currently 399 views)
Don
Posted: June 10th, 2024, 3:04pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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I Tried Therapy by Hrant Ahanisyan - Short, Dramedy - A delusional man gathering courage to admit he needs help. 15 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Hrant
Posted: June 10th, 2024, 6:26pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for getting my script online, Don.
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Shakespeare on Toast
Posted: June 15th, 2024, 3:03pm Report to Moderator
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Shakespeare on Toast

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This script does have some issues in the way it is written. Firstly, you need to proofread the whole script from top to bottom.

Secondly, you don't need to keep repeating your slug lines.

Beat.

Then move on with action lines.

Thd narrative is quite cool and I really did have empathy with the Therapist, but not so much with his father - the Client.

You have some decent observations with the ring finger touching, and the looking out of the window, and even a touch of OCD in there which I thought was interesting in character building.

I understand it takes courage to come out of the closet and I applaud you for posting this story from your vantage an view point.

Thanks for sharing.


Groundbreaking scripts:

The Pearl Earring
No Time For Love
Two Moons
Betrayal

And many. many more...
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Hrant
Posted: August 27th, 2024, 2:56pm Report to Moderator
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Hi! Sorry I just saw this your comment. Thank you for the feedback, much appreciated!

Yes, I agree about the slug lines, I put them there intentionally to make the beats clear for myself but I should have taken them out before uploading.

Did you feel like the ending is satisfying, in that is gives a point to the opening and the story? I'd appreciate your thoughts on that.

Thanks,
Hrant
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